I poured an extra tall vodka and juice in my Huck's sippy cup, a 60/40 split. Ok, so maybe the vodka and juice to start the weekend after a stressful week wasn't such a great idea. I don't really know what got in to me and why I'm an emotional basket case right now. The week has passed quickly which means, in my mind, it was busy. And it was. I spent work hours trying to catch up with my own tasks and keep my buddies tasks afloat. I tried to be a buffer against the not so brilliant cast of the inept and dull-witted tools I work with. The rest of my time was immersed in school and home obligations. Not that I want to talk shop...no I don't want to talk shop. But. I have my work, keeping up with my buddy's work, and trying to keep my boss-man stress free about an out of state work event has been a challenge and a half. Throw in study time and time with my Punk...I needed a daggum drink. At least I thought I did. I spread my self to thin this week. And no Huck to boot! Woe-is-me! Someone call the Wambulance!
The drink is long finished and there is not even a buzz. Not even an inkling of a buzz. What the hec? Instead, I feel down. Blue. Glum. Morose. Dejected. I don't know where I belong. I don't even want to sleep another night alone in my bed. As a matter of fact I may just sleep on the couch tonight I'm that despondent. Of course I'll go to bed, I'm just being contemptuous. I'm having the most intense emotional moment and I don't know what to do with myself. It's past that time of month. OMG it must be the raging hormones of the "change." I so want that part of being a woman over and done with. I swear if I could talk a doctor into removing a perfectly healthy uterus...Whatever it is I'm stuck in this tear producing, snot sucking, red-rimmed eyed vortex. Yeah, I know. Alcohol is a depressant. The events of the week haven't been the best and has certainly been compounded with throwing some alcohol on it. What a dumbass. Never claimed to be a genius.
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| Yeah, baby, yeah! |
Please don't misunderstand. I like being busy. I like not having too much time to think. It keeps me from going bat shit crazy. Especially at work. Especially at home. If I'm busy then I can't dwell on being alone. And lonely. Staying busy doesn't allow the time to over think my position and circumstance. Being alone isn't the problem. It's an abstract concept for the gal that has never lived alone before but being lonely, that's where I fail. Aside from my fur babies my nest is empty. And there I go again with the water works...what the shit!?! And it sucks I hate telling people I need them.
I try so hard to live each moment with love. I truly believe our positive thoughts and action attract same. So what gives? Why am I having such a negative day? I really don't know where this came from because I was fine this afternoon. It's time to stop whining and get busy again. There are plenty of things for me to do...just do it.
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