Do not go in there! Whoo!

A good friend of mine posted a question on Facebook the other day that made my nose crinkle.

"What is the harm with going to the bathroom and taking a dump while your mate is in the shower?"

Crass? Yes. Gross? Hell yes. It's one thing to be on the other side of the door when your other half is doing "business" but to be in the bathroom while shit is going down? Pun intended. I don't wish to delve into the realm of my bathroom habits. This is not something I like to give details about but I do have to explain something I learned about my self over the years. It all goes back to the lady's method of potty training. To go off topic a second, Freud believes we are all ruined by our mothers by the age of four. That being said I was potty trained at a very early and sorta unnatural age. I was nine months old when the lady found out another baby was on the way. At one year of age the lady decided it was a good time to potty train me. There was no such thing as disposable diapers when I was a baby and she was not going to change the messy diapers on two babies at the same time.

How do you suppose she trained me to go in a toilet? The lady placed my potty chair in the middle of the house. This position allowed her to see me on the potty from any room at any time. Over the course of a few weeks I was made to run the house naked from the waist down except for socks. No diapers, undies, pants - nothing but bare ass. But I had to wear socks on my feet. What the hec was that about? Hmmm...this may be why I can't stand my feet confined in shoes or socks. Anywho, I digress. I would be allowed to run free through the house sans pants for a short while only to be forced to sit on the potty until I "went." I could not get up until I did something in that darned potty. When I finally did something I was once again allowed to run the house butt ass naked for a short time before I was made to return to my seat.

As I grew older my bathroom habits became more modest. I think after a poop mishap at the age of six involving my brother's desperation for a toilet, which had to be the one I was using (with three other bathrooms in the house), made me realize I didn't like company while I was using the toilet. Nope. I do not. So to this day I don't care if anyone wants to be in the bathroom with me while I brush my teeth, fix my hair, paint my face, shower, or the other dozen things I do in the bathroom. The only time I DO NOT want anyone in the bathroom with me is while I have a bare bottom on the porcelain. Respect the message of the door. A cracked door means you can come in. The message of a shut bathroom door means I'm occupied. Don't even talk to me through the door. Unless you are bleeding or the house is on fire, do not disturb. I think the lady's insistence I do my business in the middle of the house with all eyes on me has ruined me. To this day I am not able to potty unless I have a potty behind a closed door. I cannot camp because I cannot squat to pee, let alone number two. OMG all that openness! And all eyes on my performance! I can't even bring myself to tinkle in the ocean. It's that bad. The lady has done a fine job screwing me up about my bathroom habits. The lady ruined me by the age of one. Go mom!

To answer my friend's question...the harm is removing all privacy from a relationship. When you are entangled in your other half's life so much you can't even poop without their company - or you have to be in the same space when they are pooping - something is wrong. Convenience or not, there is surely a guest bath available and please respect the message of the door. We should all be allowed some privacy. So you know, I will not hesitate to giggle at the butt trumpet! Cracks me up every time I hear it played.