One little monkey...

I had the pleasure of enjoying a midday adventure to the University of Miami Medical Center for a nerve conduction study. While visiting with my Rheumatologist a couple weeks ago I mentioned I had some tingling and numbness in my hands. She recommended I go to neurology to get this study done to make sure everything is ok with with my nerves. Well, ok. Fibromyalgia is a nerve problem so I can see why she would suggest the trip. I decided midday would be the best time to drive down since early morning and late afternoon would have brought the Puerto Rican out in me with a whole lot of cussing. Though I am generally patient behind the wheel I do tend to yell at other drivers that don't know the pedal on the right makes a car go. C'mon! We all know I like to drive fast!

With the Ebola scare running rampant in the media, it seems most medical centers are asking patients upon registration if they've traveled to Africa in the past 21 days. I knew this question was coming so when the kid asked me if I'd traveled overseas or to Africa I said, "Yeah. About 10 days ago." OMG the look on his face. He froze. It seemed he didn't know what he should do next and it was only for a second or two then I couldn't help but start giggling. Then he started to laugh and says, " I was hoping your were joking because we'd have to sound the alarms and get a hazmat suit for you." To which I reply, " What? The alarms are Congo drums? And as long as the suit isn't prison orange we're good." 

I was flipping anxious. I was nervous. I was on the verge of darting out of the building because the wait time was nearing one hour. When the clock ticked past one hour I finally went to the desk and asked if I needed to reschedule my appointment to never. I was assured the doctor would be with me soon and the study wouldn't take too long. Ok, fine. Dammit. I went back to my seat. Then a few minutes later a little Asian girl calls my name from the entrance doors. Sheesh these doctors are as old as Doogie Howser was when he started med school. After following her down some long hallways we end up in the exam room. 

When I walked in the doctor was perched in front this towering computerized torture device. There was a monitor laced with buttons, dials, and switches with a rather thick electrical cord running towards the wall. I looked at the machine, at the smiling doctor, and back to the machine. If the look on my face didn't tip him off I was a little freaked out then the rather pathetic whimper did. I did one quick Google search on what to expect from this study. I found out a couple of electrodes would be placed on my skin at various points and electrical currents would be sent to my nerves to test for function and damage. It didn't sound too bad but I was still nervous about the pain factor. There was some mention of needles and that freaked me out but I was told to not do anymore research. I did read a bit further and found that was a different kind of test. So I relaxed a bit and forgot about it.

I was asked to lay down on the table. While chattering away like a friggin' monkey in a tree, the doctor prepped my arm from the elbow down with alcohol. The student doctor and the doctor both are in stitches laughing because I guess I'm a stand-up act at the Improv. They both exclaim that I have brightened their day with laughter and asked if I'd come back to see them again. I told them it depended on what painful torment they had in store for me but sure.Then he fastened stuff here and there and looped some wires around my fingers. I can't see what he's doing because I am lying down. The doctor kept asking me random questions and assured me there wouldn't be any pain just sensations. I have to admit I may have a high threshold for pain but it doesn't mean . There wasn't any pain. There wasn't much sensation either. I could tell the electrical current was increased at regular intervals but no, it didn't hurt. Just felt weird as hell. Then he said, "Ok, now I have to use the needles." I whipped my head towards him and said, "You're shittin' me right?" He threw his head back laughing and it took him a minute to continue getting his needles ready. The whole time I am staring at him like wtf?  The needles in my muscles test was quite a but more uncomfortable, didn't hurt, but I could feel my hand clenching up and spasm. When he was finished he said he was going to do my other arm. Uh, no. I politely declined that one. 

All said and done I have a mild case of carpel tunnel. What the freak is that all about? Well, at least I know why my fingers go numb sometimes but it still doesn't explain why my joints hurt and why I feel like I have the flu aches. The numbness isn't even all that bad. Makes me feel like it was a wasted trip. It would be nice if I could get through a day with out some kind of pain. In time I guess. Can't stop life because my joints hurt.