Goodness, me. I thought I was watching an entertainment awards ceremony...

I saw my first Meryl Streep movie in the late of night on HBO when I was supposed to be sleeping in '83ish. Sophie's Choice helped me understand what survivor's of the Holocaust endured - the horrors of a world and time I would never know. I think I had just read the Diary of Anne Frank in school and the movie helped me bring it all together-love triangle aside. I was still a bit young to understand the implications of how mental health wrecks havoc on relationships. I have always enjoyed her roles. Even the silly ones like Death Becomes Her and She Devil. She was the star of Into the Woods by far and omg The Devil Wears Prada? One of the best!

The downhill slide of shit talk started when she opened her mouth of course but mainly began when she started naming all the foreign actors. Those whom are not really foreign but maybe born in foreign lands, like South Carolina, Rhode Island, and Brooklyn (that one I get) and then changed direction and said, "If you kick 'em all out, you'll have nothing to watch but football and mixed martial arts, which are not the arts." That was when I audibly groaned and said, "Way to politicize a friggin' awards show." Dislike with both thumbs down.

I knew what she meant with that "kick 'em all out" comment too. You do as well so don't play dumb or uninformed. By the way, what the hec is wrong with football and mixed martial arts anyway? Both are arts in their own right. I weep, and get angry, and laugh with delight when I watch football. Football requires hours of training and practice. Wait, doesn't acting, too? Mixed martial arts is martial arts - it's fascinating all that fluid movement of the body which takes hours of practice and training. You see where I am going with this right? Anyway, I was riveted by her speech now but not in a good way. It was a train getting ready to derail and I could see it begin to happen. Then it happened. And I kept watching as the train derailed and box cars began flying all over the tracks this way and that with no real direction. All that carnage and horribly twisted metal...yeah, just like her words. 

"Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence. When the powerful use their position to bully others, we all lose." - Uh, aren't you basically using your 3 seconds of live TV feed to do the same thing, lady? You are essentially using your powerful and well known station in the entertainment industry to bully the rest of us, low folks and all. And you called on others like minded to help! Yeah, you are absolutely right disrespect invites disrespect. You obviously have no respect for your audience and the people who chose to honor your work and lifetime achievements on and off the screen by running nonsense at the mouth. I do not care about your opinions. And c'mon. To use a politicized story about disrespect of a disabled person but use NO example of violence just means you are delusional about the events of this world. You know, the third rock from the sun where tacos come from. We are not on Jupiter. And for the love of Pete, doesn't part of being an entertainer mean you have to know your audience? 

And she continues...

"This brings me to the press. We need the principled press to hold power to account, to call them on the carpet for every outrage. That's why our founders enshrined the press and its freedoms in our constitution. So I only ask the famously well-heeled Hollywood Foreign Press and all of us in our community to join me in supporting the committee to protect journalists. Because we're going to need them going forward." - Gah! I agree with this sentiment in part, that yes, our press needs to be protected and to continue to be used as a tool of protected freedom. I however do not agree, as she ends this thought with, "And they'll need us to safeguard the truth." Assuming the "us" refers to the others in the show-biz community since she spelled it out two sentences previously, uh, no. Why do we want a bunch of Hollywood types dictating what is safeguarded or not safeguarded? Our journalists today need to take a good hard look in the mirror and decide why they are journalists. Is it to perpetuate the fake news and continue running the pure garbage they spew or is it inform the public of the realities of what is truly happening around the world? Because I do not trust main stream media to report the truth of anything anymore. And as if it is solely up to Hollywood Elite and the Hollywood Foreign Press Association alone to safeguard the TRUTH? My ass. Our journalists are no longer a respected source of information for any reason and nor is HFPA a respected source of news you dolt. The agendas set forth by HFPA are not the views of the world entirely. Get your shit together woman. Yeah, yeah...freedom of speech and all that. She has every right to speak her mind and she got her chance and all she did was vomit vile self righteous slime all over the audience, in house and at home. 

So Meryl, and the rest of you entertainers out there that follow her like lemming to a cliff, I do not give one iota of a F**K for your politics or feelings about what you think is truth in the world. You will NOT bully me in to believing your politics are superior to mine when it comes to how I live my life and what my beliefs and needs are. You have no idea what it is like living in middle-America. You have not nor will you ever walk in my shoes or shoes worn like mine. Not even in cinema, sister. Your self proclaimed responsibility and privilege of the act of empathy? Shut your pie-hole, all of you in Hollywood, and stick to your craft and entertain us. That is what you are being paid to do. Respect. 

Facts, opinions, and a confession...

The framers of our Constitution did not trust direct democracy. The reason we have an electoral college is to avoid factions and majority rule. What would happen if the popular vote was the system in place for our presidential election? Tyranny. Tyranny of the majority is what would happen. (Have you ever seen the movie, V for Vendetta?) A tyrannous government would violate the inalienable rights of the minority in order to further the interests of the majority. An electoral college keeps this from happening. We have never been a pure democracy, nor will we ever because the USA is a Democratic-Republic. 

***EDIT UPDATE ADDED 11/14/2016***

I realize now I must qualify my statements about factions and tyranny of the majority to show I'm not just talking out of my ass and bullshitting my readers...please look up Federalist No. 10 written by James Madison. When you're a Poli-Sci major it is easy to forget others did not study constitutional law as in depth as I have. My logic is always based on historical fact and writing, not just grabbed out of the clear blue sky on a whim and fancy. 

Our election in 2000 proves that it is entirely possible for the winning candidate to lose the popular vote yet still win the seat in the Oval Office. The way states apportion electors is how a candidate can lose the popular vote and win the election.  How does this work? Our Electorate is a group of people loyal to their party. It is very rare for an electorate to be faithless (voting for the other ticket) and it will be largely unlikely the electoral college will ever be removed. We have 48 states that award "winner take all" in the electoral college. Side note, the states can apportion their electors how they see fit. It is not a federal law or mandate. Anywho, the point for the electoral college, in the end, is to preserve the sense of the people as a whole and not allow one group or faction to overrun the needs of the remaining constituents. Here's an official link for those of you who wish to understand the electoral college further: What is the Electoral College

I don't even know where to begin on the topic of our election. While I wholeheartedly believe we should always take emotion and feelings out of any situation that calls for logic and common sense, I am saddened to witness the attitudes and divisiveness of the folks who abhor the winning candidate. How they apply his characteristics to the whole of the population that voted for him is reprehensible. Instead of acting as grown men and women and conceding to the political system in place (Republican voters did this for Obama twice mind you and God forbid we spoke against him - we were racist if we did) since the beginning of our nation, they have taken to the streets to protest a man that has been elected our president inciting violence and hatred. These protesters are asking for bodies to prove their point. These tactics are synonymous to the harsh words used by the man you hate so vehemently. Those of you lumping all Trump voters as racist, sexist, misogynistic bigots, are in whole, total hypocrites and are creating more divisiveness. Can you not see this? I have several friends that have been doing exactly this - lumping trump voters together as one collective instead of trying to understand why. Instead we have a cupcake nation (borrowed phrase) of dissenters trying to usurp a representative democratic republic they do not understand.

As evident to results of the election, Trump voters were mainly silent - the closet voters. We were not able to openly discuss our thoughts and why we chose Trump because we were not allowed to go against whom they felt was a better candidate, I am one of the aforementioned closet voters (not a surprise to many) and I will explain why. I could not speak freely about my beliefs with logic and common sense because I was criticized immediately for supporting the idea of Trump as president. Everyone felt because I am a white, educated female of Hispanic and Asian decent I'm supposed to run with the liberal crowd. I have been the recipient of hate language and bullying due to the fact I resemble my Latin and Asian roots with dark curly hair, slanted eyes, and high cheekbones. I have to tell you all, I have been the recipient of hate language and bullying due to the color of my skin. Talk about growing up confused! I could not understand why people hated me so much solely based on how I looked. I still feel the silent majority in the Trump win speaks volumes though. Here's why; We, the silent Trump voters, saw an opportunity to no longer be marginalized by the establishment. We used our voting right to choose a person we felt will address our concerns most. We overlooked words and personality to opt for more employment opportunities, lower taxes, and a better health care system. Policies that mattered to us as a whole. We wanted a hard working champion that didn't have any special interests or favors to pay. We wanted an unencumbered President representing the needs we have expressed over and over but largely went unanswered for the past 8 years. 

Yes, I took in to consideration the implications of choosing a candidate that seemed to be outwardly racist (though I never saw any evidence of such) and how it may effect the rest of the true racists and bigots out there - as in them feeling like they can now act out with presidential approval. Assholes will always be assholes folks. We've had hate/race crimes happening for a very long time y'all. I don't believe Trump will make it any worse than it already is (based on feelings instead of facts for this point) and I firmly believe the hate has only grown exponentially under the Obama administration. I chose to overlook the media's rabid purported claims of sexual aggression and overtures. Listen, I've been the object of unwanted attention from men since I grew tits at the age of 12. I am not innocent to any sexual advance (verbal or physical) that I was not able to fend off. I hold on the thought that bragging does not equate doing. And if he did actually grab any woman by the P, I hope she kneed him in the nuts and gave him a fat lip. It's what I've done in the same situation. YES, women get attacked in this manner all the time and no, we don't always tattle on our assaulter because, why? For the sake of ousting your attacker that will not be punished for being a jerk? Unless of course you were paid by the Democratic National Committee to turn the table on a candidate that you want to sink for your own selfish needs. Like winning a presidency?

So, to my friends that put all Trump supporters (which includes me) in one lump group of racist, sexist, misogynistic bigots - what are you bringing to the table? I guess I am a deplorable human being. 

Rude, crude, and socially unacceptable...so the eff what?!

I have a great number of friends that will not be happy with this post. I also know that this will invite many to unfriend me or un-follow me. A few of my friends outside of Facebook may even stop being my friend all together. Shoot, I may even lose the respect of my family. The purpose of my post is not to sway your opinion about your choice for presidency. I respect your opinions and do not devalue you in any way because we do not agree on who should be sitting in the Oval Office. I only ask you to please respect me and my opinion in kind. I will never call you stupid or idiot for your beliefs so if you think I am stupid or an idiot just keep it to yourself. My rant begins with...drum roll please...Hillary Clinton does NOT deserve to be our next Commander in Chief.

My female intuition kicks in and whoa.

Trump is a better choice. Yep, said it. With six degrees of separation I hear Trump is a cock with a capital C. While I do not know him personally and only seeing his mannerisms on TV, I have to agree. He's probably the biggest prick known to mankind. He's chauvinistic, egotistical, and likely lacks the social skills required keep friends. So he allegedly treats women poorly. I don't care. We've all seen his tweets and interviews and know he can't be that dumb, can he? He chooses to bully and speak nonsense. This is before actually thinking out the outcome and opening his pie hole. His ridiculous hair and spray tan face make us believe he's an imbecile of the umpteenth power. The ridiculous claims of being a great businessman and building a wall Mexico will fund creates a great amount of comic fodder for other countries to laugh tears. Rivers. 

These are all the reasons Trump is a better candidate for President. He's not a politician. He's a businessman. He has no earthly clue how to conduct himself as a politician. He's true to himself and the people supporting him. This makes him seem clumsy. I firmly believe he will fight for our country in no way any self serving politician will. His interests lie in ensuring our collective safety and prosperity. Probably his own interests too but I am not bothered by it. He is not a mollycoddle. He will not cater to the career politicians sitting on the Hill, the ones there for way too many years. He will choose the best upholders of the Constitution. He will not allow an other country, especially the ones that don't respect us yet rely on our money, to back-bite and undermine our patriotism. So what if he treats women poorly. C'mon ladies. Y'all want equal treatment and equal pay to men? Stop your whining and work for it. Sorry, that's a different topic.

My intuition tells me that Hillary is all wrong for this role. I never liked her. Not even as far back as when she was on the campaign trail with her husband. The facts aside, her feigned contrite delivery of words just turns my stomach. I know as a woman I am supposed to be building up other women so we are a stronger unit but, sheesh, I'm nauseated by the thought. 

At this point Trump hasn't won my vote but he has helped me understand why Hillary is a sham.

A prelude in an election year and other news...I'm in a ranting mood.

Politics.

As a general rule I don't spout off on politically charged tirades on a normal day or regular basis. I do not feel my opinion is anyone's business. Having a political opinion is like having a penis. It's great you have one and are proud of it but please, do not try to shove it down my throat. Once in a while I may read something or hear something that makes me tip my head sideways like a confused puppy but I move past the painful affront leaving the profane delusional fucknut to flail in the wind alone. When we, our great nation, enters in to a presidential election year it seems the political crazies come out. And boy does it make me cringe.

I rarely tell anyone this (because it's no one's business) but I consider myself a moderate with conservative leanings and I'll explain why. First of all I earned my undergraduate degree in Political Science. I concentrated my studies on the US Constitution. I did deep and meaningful research surrounding the creation and implementation of our constitution. I have dissected and pondered historical writings for the reasoning behind the movement for more or less government. My moral and religious upbringing led me to the right side of the spectrum as well. I am also an Army brat raised in a conservative household so there is some validity to upbringing. Now, there are firm conservative beliefs that I do not adopt as my own and why I consider myself a moderate. For instance, I believe that life begins at conception but I also believe it's a woman's right to choose if she will foster that life to birth. Pregnancy, from rape or incest or if a health matter becomes dangerous, by all means it must be a woman's choice to end. Sometimes the choice is a necessary part of life. In all matters, a woman must be able to choose what to do. I do not however feel a woman should use abortion as a means of birth control. Please use a contraceptive or sterilize yourself for crying out loud if you don't want to be a mother. Don't force society to support your poor decisions. And there is that conservative side rearing her head.  

Long story short - if you plan to voice your political opinion please make sure you know what you are talking about first. If you don't understand your rights do a little research then talk about it as a learning experience not as an attack on others because your ideas don't match the ideas of those around you.

I do not have a favorite in the presidential primary by the way, on either side.

Pets.

Something happened today on social media that really had me scratching my head. A "friend" on Facebook posted:

Ok, let's just say this instantly pissed me off. The way I read this and understood the words of what was stated here tells me the poster feels that people who have pets and treat them as children are wrong and they shouldn't get mad if someone points that out. That pets cannot be our "children" simply because they are animals. I have been blessed with the joy of raising a human child to adulthood. But there are people out there that will never know that blessing and joy and to fill that void they have dogs and cats (or exotic birds, or monkeys, or whatever). They treat there pets as children and refer to them as fur-babies or fur-kids. The post was subsequently removed when I personally called them out publicly saying it was pretty insensitive and unnecessary. I was accused of name calling. Whatever. Of course the poster also had to privately qualify their opinion. Seriously? You know what you did. You know very well what you said. Don't try to make it better by saying it's not what you meant. Pfft.

I'm not a critic, ice cream, and puppy dreams...

Sometimes I stumble on a TV show while exercising my thumb on the clicker. Of course ownership of said clicker has since departed my now un-exercised thumb but that isn't the point of my story today. Since I haven't had regular control of the remote my recent clicking excursion ended on a show which I am surprised is being aired. Two Broke Girls. The riches to rags and still in rags story doesn't do anything for me. The chemistry of these to actors is scripted. I will say there were a couple laugh out loud moments but more from the sheer ridiculous antics than from actual humor. I only stopped on this silly show because Mike & Molly is on next. I know it's a rerun I've seen at least three times in the past month but it's still a creatively funny script. Besides, why can't all shows have the easy humorous chemistry like Mike & Molly or Big Bang Theory? Ok, no. I am not a TV show critic or reviewer nor do I have aspiration to be one. Gone are the times of Siskel and Ebert because now we have fresh or rotten tomatoes. My choice of TV shows is personal and I really don't care if you like what I think of some of the TV fodder out there. Now, this doesn't mean I am giving up my Thursday night line up so get that idea out of your head.

I recently recounted a childhood memory to my darling Huck regarding the Lady. There was a time when Bubba and I were around the age of 5-ish when we went out for ice cream as a family. The Lady ordered ice cream for us to share with her. This was normal behavior of hers but looking back on that fleeting memory made me realize something. She didn't really want to share her ice cream with us. Why do I think that you ask? Because what five year old child likes rum raisin? Really. She ordered a scoop of rum raisin on one of those cake cones (which I would rather not have to this day) and proceeded to invite us to each have a lick of it. I remember vividly in that moment eyeballing a raisin and scrunching my nose up in distaste and saying, "I don't like it" without tasting it. And I never got a lick of ice cream that day. Around the same time frame the Lady tried to make home made strawberry ice cream because we asked for some. I didn't like that one with out tasting it also because there were large chunks of real fruit in it. Why can't a kid just get plain old chocolate or vanilla or pink strawberry ice cream? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being thrifty with food when you have small kids around. I've done it. The time and energy she spent to make that ice cream only for us both to turn our noses up at it makes no sense to me. She could have spent a few dollars on store bought and the Bubba and I would have been blissfully happy. Oh dear, my life is an episode of Fresh Off the Boat.

The fact I actually like rum raisin and real strawberry ice cream now isn't the point. 

Annie dog did the cutest thing today and I didn't catch it in time to get video. I was quietly working and knew both of my puppy girls were close by sleeping as they do for approximately 20 hours a day in their old age. I mean sheesh, the life of these girls...Eat. Shit. Sleep. Repeat. Anyway, I shifted slightly in the chair. I immediately hear this light thumping sound behind me for a good three or four thumps then it goes quiet. I figured Annie heard me and thought she was going to get pets. A couple heart beats later I hear it again. I didn't move in the chair this time so I realize I didn't trigger the tail tapping. I slowly turned around to see her sound asleep but wagging her tail. I am surprised she didn't wake herself up she was beating her tail so hard as if she were awake. Huck says she must have been having a good dream. I must concur. I think she was dreaming Huck came home :)

I've been a little busy

Life is ebb and flow like the tides of the ocean. Sometimes you find yourself with nothing to do but the mundane like grocery shopping and picking up dog food - the tide is rolling out leaving a clean shore behind and nothing obscuring your view to the vast ocean. It's peaceful tranquility. Sometimes your schedule is jammed packed with activities and meetups and events you are left exhausted thinking about all you have planned-the tide is rolling in with big crashing waves threatening to grab you and drag you out to sea. It's pure chaos. Occasionally the ebb and flow of life masterfully join and quietly roll in and out without incident where you get enough tranquility with some chaos peppered in there.

I really don't care to be balls to the wall busy all the time. It's fine to have multiple things scheduled in a week or weekend but I am not a back to back event participant. And I don't mind set plans but am more of the "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of girl. For instance, Huck and I had this idea for the gym, late lunch, then a movie yesterday. Well, we ended up ditching the gym and went to Walmart instead. Yes we grabbed a late lunch that was more like an early dinner. And no, the movie didn't happen. There was beer involved at a Happy Hour in our favorite beach spot which explains blowing off the movie. No big deal. So our plan changed on the fly. Oddly this happens more often than not with us. I'm totally good with it too. With all that said though, we are good about making scheduled engagements too. My Huck says he feels like a show pony and you know what? I love showing him off! 

On a completely unrelated note, I recently began working from home. It is something that I have been busting my ass off to do for the past year and finally earned the privilege to maintain my own virtual office. I worked at home years ago and was challenged not by being able to stay focused to work. The challenge came from working too much. Back then I was a salaried employee and it was just too easy to work all hours of the day and night. I had tons of autonomy and as long as I met my numbers the boss didn't care when I worked or how long. Things are different this time. But then again not really. There are distractions but not the same as before. I now have a schedule to keep one that I chose myself over a year ago. I am also older so my ability to focus is more finely tuned. 

After all these years I love working from home again. I get up at the same time as if I have to go to the office. But now I have an extra hour of leisure time to enjoy coffee and watch the news. I can take longer walks with the girls in the morning. Not that we walk further just dawdle longer so the girls have more sniffing time. The best thing is my job is no different. I just do it in my jammies now. There is no more racing the clock in the morning or fighting traffic on the short leg to work. I don't have to witness the palpable negativity of the Debbie Downer's in the office. It's quiet at home and comfortable. I feel so much more relaxed to do what I do. This of course makes me one happy chick.

It doesn't need to always be louder

I don't hear very well. I have trouble hearing at certain decibels. Sometimes a person's speak sounds like a mouth full of marbles to my ears. If you want to speak to me in the morning, especially soon after I've woken up, be prepared to repeat yourself at least three times. At the very least. The worst thing someone can do to me is get impatient or mad because no matter how hard I try I can't make out what was said. Occasionally my brain understands another's words so completely different and so far off what was intended that it's humorous. In my attempt to make certain I heard what another person says to me I repeat what was said. This acknowledges I understood and provides confirmation to whom I speak that I did actually hear. Yes, I realize this makes me kind of a parrot. A lot of the times if I don't hear you by the time you've repeated yourself three times I just give up and pretend I heard what you said. So don't be offended if I laugh and I wasn't supposed to. Or if I don't laugh and I was supposed to. Chances are I heard nothing. Accents are terrible. I can understand most but if your name is Rajesh or Drashti and you speak in that fabulous and beautiful Indian lilt - forget it. You better write it down on a post-it.

Another reason why I feel I don't hear well is because of all the noise in my brain. My thoughts are swirling and bouncing and rolling around without strategy or reason. There is no pattern to my thoughts because I can start thinking about one important item and it leads in the direction of something completely different. I joke I have ADD and while it may be true - I do exhibit many of the items on the diagnosis list - I try in vain to control my incessant need to just let my thoughts run wild. It's bad enough I cannot physically hear you but most times my brain wanders off and I'm caught up trying to remember what I'm supposed to pick up at Publix instead of listening to what you are saying. If I stop parroting you its a good indication I shut off the ears. I think Huck is the only one in my life that has learned to make me repeat what he said to make sure I was actually listening and heard the words and meaning.

So yeah, about this noise in my brain. See? I already derailed. I've got so much noise in my brain right now that I've tried a little psychotropic remedy to shut the flow of shit off. I don't think I'm doing it right or maybe it's not the right remedy. I spent the day wanting to cry for no reason other than I thought if I did I'd feel relief. Lulu called it a purge. Needless to say I have been moody and weepy the past couple weeks and I don't think anyone understands what is happening. Of course I don't let anyone in so its entirely my fault no one is wise to my crazy brain moments. I try to blame it on the "change" but I think it's so much more than that. I'm sure it doesn't help to have all those effing hormones racing around but I feel it's only a small part of what's happening. Besides, whining about my feelings is just so freaking female. Why do I want to whine and cry and tell everyone my feelings? I don't want to be pitied or anyone to feel sorry for me, or feel obligated to make me feel better in some way. I'm a strong, independent woman and crying is for girls.

So my son isn't speaking to me or anyone in the family still - since a few days before Mother's Day (which I'm still pretty hurt about). At least I know he's alive and hasn't completely oust me from his life. I see him on Facebook randomly through the day. The lady wasn't very nice to me over the weekend. She told me if the punk wasn't coming with me to my nephew's graduation to not bother coming at all and my nephew wouldn't notice I wasn't there anyway. What the fuck?! Mean! At least Bubba and my sister-in-law care about me. Bubba said he wanted me to come regardless which made me feel better. Daddy would have been 73 years old yesterday. Any time I think of Daddy, which is every day, I wish he were here to just hug me and tell me everything will be ok and tuck my hair behind my ear like he used to when he was comforting me.

I have so many great things happening in my life also. Anything related to Huck is amazing. He's the most caring, darling, loving man. He takes wonderful care of me in all ways. And even though he says he has no patience for anything he has mountains of patience when it comes to me. And I know I am a very trying woman. So with the bad there is so much good too. And so much love. So very much.  Love is all that matter's in the end.