I hate rushing, the chatterbox, and lessons learned.

Last night was my first time in years doing yoga. It was warm yin yoga. There were only five people in the studio total including the instructor. I was the last to arrive because the fancy little boy that checked me in and took my Groupon failed to give me instructions that the yoga studio was next door to the fitness center. I was all harried running in and trying to unroll my brand spanking new yoga mat and arrange myself on the floor without calling attention. Too late. It was kind of like running into class after your professor has started the lecture and dropping all your books on the way to the closest seat you can find which happens to be in the middle of the class. Anyway, I try to listen to the instructor but she has music on so can't hear anything but the Charlie Brown teacher voice. This means I have to take the cue from the lady in front of me on what to do next and I think she was a beginner. 

Remember it's been about 20 years since I've attended a yoga class. And even then it was at the Y so not even really sure it was yoga. The first thing I was to learn was belly breathing. At least that's what I think she called it. I also heard something about ocean breaths or echo something. Whatever...breath in through your nose really deep and exhale through your mouth. It may have been the reverse but breathing either way was good. This deep breathing is supposed to help us relax and open up our channels. We started off laying on our backs and breathing and relaxing so we can move on to stretches. As I am trying to focus on the breathing my brain kept interrupting. I swear it would not shut up! I am thinking.."breath in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Make the belly rise and lower. Feel the diaphragm working. Your left ankle isn't relaxed. Back hurts a little lying on the floor like this. Let your shoulder relax. Is my shirt pulled over my belly? Right leg just stiffened up a little. Breath dammit. I need to take out the pony tail, it's making my neck tweak laying here on the floor. Stop crinkling your brow. What the hell are you doing? Smells like patchouli in here. Belly rise. At least it doesn't smell like feet. Belly fall. I don't get the echo-ocean thing. How much longer do I have to lay like this? I'm not comfortable. Stop picking your thumb nail. Maybe it's the kinda hissing sound you make when you exhale that deep. Oh wait. I think I am supposed to be breathing in through the mouth and exhaling through the nose. Nope. That's not it. Now I have a loose booger. Flapping...."  

Finally we move into holding the stretches. We are sitting up with legs apart and I am stretching over my right knee. My brain is still chattering away..."Breath in. Breath out. Relax the knee. Ouch this hurts. Breath. Ouch. Let the thigh relax now. No. Don't point your toe. This isn't ballet. I thought it was supposed to be warm in here. I hope I don't fart. Oh my gosh...it feels like I need to fart. Clench up. That was a great line in the Avengers movie. How much longer do I have to do this? It's really pulling the ligaments inner thigh. I think that's the point. Ok. Oh. Finally. We get to move..." After an hour and 15 minutes of stretching and breathing and thinking about everything under the sun I wasn't very relaxed. I did feel longer. Does that count?

Two things I learned from one yoga lesson: Do not wear a wire bra. Wear a longer shirt. 

Guess who is going shopping again?! I am scheduled for another yoga class on Saturday morning. 

Namaste. 

Fart, fart, baby....dun dun dun dun dun dun dun...fart, fart, baby...

Always trying to motivate myself to eat right and exercise. The eating right isn't too difficult as long as I avoid flour, sugar, pasta, bread, rice, noodles, and basically follow the "if it's white, don't bite" philosophy. So add no potato, potato chips, french fries, or loaded baked potatoes. I can feel the bloat just watching all that good comfort food pass through my mind. Oh, how I love fettuccine alfredo, bread with butter, and cake. Now, I am not a crazy anti-carb freak but I know how it makes me feel so I avoid it as much as I can. As long as I can control the inner cookie monster most days are good. I challenged myself with keeping my calories under 1200 a day. So far it's not to hard if I stick to veggies, fruit, and lean meats. One other thing I had challenged myself with deals with portion control. I try to eat only half of what I take at dinner time. sometimes I serve myself on a small dessert plate. It works ok. I splurged and bought a 90 day shake meal replacement thing/system and though it's tasty and great for the morning, I had a hard time sticking to the two shakes a day. There just wasn't enough calories in the day to keep me from binge eating at night when I got home. Protein shakes in the morning for breakfast has actually been a diet staple for the past year. So that was a gimme but anything more than that was a failure.  

New challenge!!!

I used to exercise a lot. I used to have the time to exercise a lot. My rants lately revolve around my lack of me time and lack of exercise. I had a membership to a huge gym. Was totally inconvenient and I hated the scene. I looked into a place called 9rounds. It's a circuit exercise joint that honestly felt like a cave where you do interval training while wearing boxing gloves. I used to exercise at a circuit place before and loved it but their hours of operation are not convenient to my current schedule. The only thing I really want to do is tone and regain lost flexibility. The added benefit of losing some inches aren't being overlooked and is obviously welcome. I love Pilates and yoga. Used to do it quite a bit. Most of the studios in the area aren't open late enough and well, again the inconvenience. I am the type of person that has to go somewhere to exercise. I am also a loner when I exercise. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want anyone to "spot" me. I just want to go in, do my thing, then leave. Ugh! I just want to find a place that has classes beginning between 7:30 and 8:00 in the evening and have the potential for decent classes on Saturdays. 

Ask and you shall receive!

I rejoined Groupon and happened across a fantastic deal for a yoga/Pilates studio in my neighborhood. Sweet! This place has hot yoga, yin yoga, pilates, ballet fusion, kick boxing fusion, spinning, zumba, and a crap load of other boot camp type classes. My challenge is to take, at the very least, two classes a week in various exercise disciplines until I reach the prepaid 20 classes. The lady that runs the studio says if I decide to stay I get some kind of discount for re-upping my membership. One step at a time, Lola. Most importantly, one day at a time. Of course you know this meant a trip to Target. I got a yoga mat and carryall to use. All zen like non-chemical and stuff. If I like it and decide to try the hot yoga I will go back to buy the towel and block. It's odd but I am kind of excited. I am looking forward to stretching my muscles and watching my fat cry in desperation to leave my body. Yeah I worry about farting in class, or worse, not being able to stifle the laugh when someone else does it. 

Holy schnikes...it's been a while...

I am in the weeds.

Two courses this term in grad school. Work. Changing my eating habits. Again. Homework, papers, and discussion boards - oh my! Work. School. Kid in college. Husband. Eating right. I need to throw in some exercise somewhere but where? Everyday it's the same thing. I get up, go to work, come home to take care of the boys, then sit up until midnight or so doing school work. 

I have very little time for self indulgences therefore the '80 ways' card game has been suspended. I have other things I'd rather focus on then looking up my childhood address on Google earth, my first crush on Facebook, or  conducting a genealogy study. I get an average of six hours sleep during school nights because, quite frankly, I want to have half a life on the weekend. It's not too much to ask, right? That I can participate in adult social activities like date night and wine drinking? Seriously. Every night of my life while school is in session is consumed with school. Throwing my day job hours Monday to Friday is just a nuisance but the size of the paycheck makes up for the inconvenience. It pays for the wine and dine when time allows. Oh! It just occurred to me it's a three day weekend! Oh yeah! Uh huh! Get to sleep in three mornings in a row! Of course that means I am downstairs for coffee by 7:30am and nose to computer looking at school stuff by 8. I dunno...that dang internal clock crap kills me sometimes. I will say this. When I am in school, I save money. I don't have time to think about items to invent for the short shopping list until it's an item I actually need. Like toothpaste or shampoo. And the long list...God forbid the AC and fridge are 13 years old. Not to mention my beloved stove. And the dryer. 

I have developed an intolerance for people that just can't act right. If you don't like me that is fine. Doesn't mean you are excused from acting right. This very pleasant woman passed through the same door today that I was attempting to enter and didn't have the courtesy to hold it open. Come on, you stupid cow. Be a decent human being and have some common courtesy to others whether you like them or not. Acting like a honey boo boo child is just plain idiocy.

You are not even a peasant in this story because I am the Queen of Everything and it's good to be Queen. 

Homemade thin crust pizza, puppy love, and wanderlust.

Hubby told me he wanted homemade thin crust pizza for dinner tonight. Yes, he had placed his order around lunch time so that I could remember to stop at Publix after work. I weeded my way through the geriatric crowd, since I ended up at the "old people" Publix, and selected items to make one pepperoni and one BBQ chicken. I will tell you I cheated and bought the pre-made crusts but the rest of the stuff was natural. Oh ok, ok...except for the BBQ chicken. That came out of a Jack Daniels bucket found in the meat section. I don't have enough time in the day to make everything from scratch no matter how much you beg. I put the pizzas together and stuck them in the oven. I noticed one of them was too close to the edge so I attempted to push it back. Mistake! I grabbed the rack instead and scorched the tip of my finger. See?

I really did burn my finger. I am missing my finger print on the spot I touched to the rack. I swear!

Yesterdays card #7 of the 80 ways card game: "Look up your first boyfriend on Facebook." What makes you think I haven't done this already...more that once? Oddly enough I had come across a student file the day before bearing the same name as this boy. My first crush and boyfriend was in the 6th grade. We will call him Davy Rey. In my 11 year old opinion he was the cutest boy EVER! He had blond hair and big blue eyes and was taller than me. We all know boys don't get their growth spurt until after the girls do and I am slightly taller than the average female. I looked him up on Facebook this morning and nothing. At least no one with a picture matching what I remember he looked like. Davy Rey will remain a young girls memory of what a first crush feels like.

Today's card #8 of the 80 ways card game: "Print a map of the world, plan your dream journey, then post on your bulletin board." Um, no. I won't print the map but I will tell you where I'd like to vacation. Places on my bucket list have changed and expended or contracted. The one place I want to see and the first place I will go when I win the lottery is Australia. I want to see the out back and travel to Tasmania. Spending a few weeks on safari and visiting the sparkling cities. This is the ultimate walkabout. Or, I could go to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney to find Nemo.

The old neighborhood and my favorite quotes...

I took a few days off from blogging. Since I am back in school working on my Master's degree my attention has been pulled in a different direction. I am very certain the attention problems I had growing up are what children are being diagnosed with now, ADD. I hyper focus on the wrong things or simply can't focus on anything for very long. I am the "I need to study, let me read some with the TV on, did he just say that, o-m-g those are cute shoes" kind of ADD. I begin my actions with the right intention and end up on something totally unrelated in about 10 seconds tops. On a fun note, I got my new Barbie lunch bag over the weekend. It works nicely with my Barbie coffee mug I use at work. The mug says, "I am not designed to do housework." Perfectly me!

The card I pulled on Friday the 3rd (day 5 or the 80 ways card game) reads, "Look up your childhood home on Google Earth." Well that's a hec of a challenge. Not. My thoughts went immediately to the first home we spent more than a couple years in. Remember, I am an Army brat. We moved from post to post every two to three years. It wasn't until we got to Florida that we finally settled in to a home and routine. I only had my brother for friendship until I was eight. Poor kid. So the first house we grew up in we lived in for 5 years. I looked it up on Google Earth as asked and, well, yeah it was the house. The only notable thing was that there were trees in the front and back yard that were not there in 1980. The surrounding homes appeared to need a good watering of the lawn. I guess the economic status of the neighborhood remained in the lower bracket since it seemed no one has figured out the lawn is not for parking. I will venture to say there were some great memories growing up there. This is the house I made race tracks for my matchbox cars and played "kill the man" with the neighborhood boys. There were also some horrible memories that have only been discussed in therapy. I guess good and bad comes from all life long experiences.

The second home we spent many years in happens to be the home Mom still resides. It is more home to me than anywhere else. More happier memories there than the previous address. When I found out we were moving I was excited mostly. The saddest part of it was leaving my friends behind. The great thing was we were only moving 10 miles away!

Life on the beach was much different than life in the hood. Some of the kids I later grew up with were privileged and spoiled. There was a smaller group, the ones I was able to connect with, that were raised a bit differently than the kids of lawyers and other high demand business professionals. Many experiences I look back at fondly. Re-run was my first BFF beach side then Wendall became my bestie soon after (not really their names...protecting the innocent...pssh LOL). Blondie was always around since middle school though she remained on the mainland. Red was always fun to hang with. Wow we got in some crazy trouble but always had great times together. Accept of course when we were having our knock down drag out teenage drama fights over who knows what. C'mon! the only things that mattered to me back then was being tan, riding my pink beach cruiser, and boys. Not always in that order. Boys usually came first. 

Card 6 of the 80 ways card game I drew this morning. This one reads, "Start a journal of quotes that inspire you." Um, I have a list on Facebook. Does that count? Sheesh! I post quotes or sayings that inspire me all the time. Well, inspire me to laugh mostly. My favorite quote of all time is, "Well-behaved women seldom make history." The quote is sometimes credited to Marilyn Monroe (I think she is credited with the quote using the word Rarely instead of Seldom-she must have been a reader) but is actually the title of a book by Laurel Thatcher Ulrich. The works covered the silent obscurity of women from colonial times. Ulrich was an early American history professor at Harvard supposedly.

On that note, piss off! And I will not be censored!

Genealogy...a study of fornication.

Day 4 of the 80 ways card game: Search on the Internet for a bit of information about your family history - the town your grandmother was born in, or the bar your grandfather told stories about. How about none of the above? I already know this!


My father, when he was living, had traced our lineage back to the religious wars in France in the 1500's. His most recent ancestry findings were of distant family in Sicily. Dad was always interested to find a familial connection. Our last name is not common in the Latino universe so chances we were related to others with the same name were pretty high. When he traveled to new cities he would pull out the phone book and look up our name then call the number. We have found many distant cousins this way. This is what I know of my father's blood lines...

Dad claims we are of royal blood. Not sure how close we were tied to the French monarchy but he stated on occasion I was a Duchess. There was talk we came by way of Anna of Brittany, daughter of Francis II the Duke of Brittany and Margaret of Foix. Couldn't tell you how we are connected but it's still fun to think I may be royalty and my Queen Bitch mentality and attitude are completely normal. The Italian influenced family left France during the religious wars. We are Roman Catholic which was frowned upon. Migrated through Italy until we ended up on Sicily were the family flourished. My great grandfather took his family to Puerto Rico to run sugar cane and the family I know remains there. Some family came to the U.S. ending up in California or New York, some New Jersey. I have uncles, a couple aunts, and some cousins but have lost touch over the years. Dad was the youngest of seven children and really the mortar of the Orlandi clan. Since his death nearly ten years ago we have all faded into our respective lives.


Mom is from Vietnam and born during the French occupation. Yes, her daddy was a French Army Captain. We call him Cooper since we know nothing about this man. No amount of searching and digging have we been able to locate even a tidbit about him. Apparently, Cooper had fair skin and red hair. To look at my mother you would think she was more European than Vietnamese. She still speaks her language fluently and cooks like a Vietnamese angel but she looks Franco. I have inherited those European traits from her, having reddish tones in my hair and fair skin that burns and freckles. Yes, I can eventually tan but then the freckles just get darker or multiply. Mom has recently told me that there is even a little Chinese in us. OMG! Can you say, "mutt?"


So there you have it. Today's card just made me reflect a little on my heritage. My first reaction was to smile when I read the card. Why you ask? I get to stay in and drink wine for dinner!


The Duchess Margaret, signing off.

Amazon to the rescue and fairy tales...

Day 3 of the 80 ways card game: Go to a book store or library and find a book that you loved when you were younger, then read it again. Game on!


When I read my card for the day I thought, "What's up with having to go somewhere or buy something for these dang cards?" It's not that I am opposed to spending a few dollars or getting out of the house but honestly? I don't have the energy or the inclination to do this after work. I've been in the office all day, lately so bored out of my mind it's excruciating, and the last thing I want to do is have to go to the book store to read my favorite childhood book. The library closes before dinner time so that wasn't going to happen tonight. If I had pulled the card over the weekend, maybe. I wasn't that lucky today. I just wanted to go home and have a glass of wine. Ok, two glasses of wine. So?

My childhood reading was advanced. Hemingway, Dickens, and Steinbeck paperbacks were dog-eared and grimy crowded down at the bottom of my book bag but one of my favorite childhood stories was Charlotte's Web. I will be damned if I was going to drive all the way out to Barnes and Noble to sit and read the entire book there. At least that's what I interpret the card to say. I surely didn't want to buy it...I think I have a copy laying around somewhere. Maybe whoever wrote these daggum cards thought of stories like Goodnight Moon or Everybody Poops, something that can be read in a few minutes. I instead took a short break at work and used company resources to look on Amazon for a kindle version of my next favorite, Grimm's Fairy Tales. Ta-da! I found a free one! I one-clicked that effin book in the blink of an eye. 


When I arrived home I prepped dinner, stuck it in the oven, and logged in to class. Back to school time homies and I have a Master's degree to get over with yesterday. Ugh! The reading for these classes are going to be the death of me. I posted my introductions and had dinner on the couch with my guys. When the boys wandered off to their respective caves (as is routine) I grabbed up my iPad and touched the Kindle app...poof! Grimm's Fairy Tales downloaded and ready to open. I looked at the list of stories and immediately my eyes fell on Briar Rose. I have fond memories of my hard cover copy of Grimm's when I was a little girl reading every-single-story over the summer before 3rd grade. The book was heavy and had a very plain red leather spine with gold embossed letters and pages edged in gold. My father had gotten me that book and I cherished it for many years. 


Back to Briar Rose. What a stupid, stupid story! I guess when I was little it had meaning. What meaning I won't even venture to guess. Little girl idealism maybe. Now that I've reread it, it's just a tale about a king and queen that didn't quite understand etiquette or the consequences of pissing off a thirteenth fairy. Good grief! Here's what it boils down to...the pissed off fairy wanted the beautiful princess dead, the twelfth fairy circumvented the curse, and the entire kingdom fell asleep for 100 years because the princess was nosy and went somewhere she shouldn't have gone on her 15th birthday. Yeah, yeah. A handsome prince came along to rescue her but luckily it was on the 100th day of the curse. WTH?!


I'm still shaking my head. Gimme my glass will ya?