Opposites attract...but can it last?

Huckleberry wants to contribute his thoughts on opposites. In his opinion the whole idea that opposites attract does not produce a sustainable relationship. Sure it may be the reason you are attracted initially but how do you keep a relationship alive when you have nothing in common? Opposites are less about attitudes and personality and social standing and  more about works of fiction...a prince and a chamber maid, a millionaire and a hooker, a biker and an heiress. The list can go on! A relationship of opposites is hard, hard work. You have to work double time to find common interests or you would never have anything to grow and cultivate together in the future. I know this first hand. 

Conversation with Huck today got my wheels turning and spurred my research. Research is what I like to do and revel in it. Opposites do not attract according to many different studies of couples. Men and women wish to find someone that share common interests with common and attitudes. The researchers say that opposite pairings rarely develop into long lasting meaningful relationships and typically end prematurely. The studies show we want someone that has similar ideas. Someone with a similar back ground and upbringing. Similar ideals. More is written about couples that have similar personality traits. Extroverts tend to blend very well. Neurotics do too - though scary. Even couples that share conscientiousness or anxiety are normally happier and more satisfied in "coupledom." 

One study conducted talked about the only time a woman seeks her opposite has to do with her sniffer. I have a very good sniffer. I can detect subtle smells and changes in smells that many cannot. Sometimes I think I'm losing it because I smell something no one else does...like it's a phantom smell.  Quite honestly I think it's the consolation prize to being hard of hearing. Ok, so this opposite thing regarding smells....women are attracted to men that smell different from their own gene pool. We are attracted to a man that have "major histocompatibility complex" genes. These genes affect our immune system and women that find a man with a gene smell opposite theirs mean the pairing will result in a happier marriage, strong sexual attraction, and healthier children. Oh dear, God! The babies again. Huck, I swear you spiked my coffee with something! I do have to admit though, I love how my handsome man smells. It's not just his cologne, it's him. I feel comfort, attraction, need, desire, and love each time we embrace and I draw in his smell. 

The studies also say we want to pair up with someone that holds the same views we do. For example it means a great deal to me that Huck is close to his family. It would be disappointing if he weren't. Oh and he loves kids. His voice changes and his eyes twinkle...it's a very sweet transformation. These moments I see his weakness. Then in the blink of an eye he goes back to being my bad ass mofo beau hunk that I love just as much. 

It's a good thing to have some differences, too. We can't like all the same things or even dislike all the same things. But having similar interests, attitudes, and personalities do not make a boring relationship contrary to the 'opposites' camp. There will always be a story to tell and new knowledge to share. No time to be boring. We have interests outside of our relationship of course. I like artsy stuff and Star Trek. He likes to golf and watch sports. We both love reading. The point is there are so few opposites about Huck and I that what's next looks fantastic! And easy!

As always,

M

So I'm in the mood to write. Just to write. I read an article today about modern dating. Yeah, I agree that things have changed. When I was twenty years younger it wasn't as easy to approach people. We had to actually walk up to a complete handsome stranger and speak to them. Or you could sit and wait for him to approach you. Ugh! The anxiety of impending rejection made me nauseous and want to flee from the scene to stick my head in the sand until the uneasiness passed.

Now we use text, email, Facebook, or whatever method of modern communication to say what we need to say. Phone calls are left for business or checking in with Mom. For example, conversations with my son are primarily by text. It's quick and simple and it's what all the kids his age are doing. Yeah we occasionally spend time together but our daily activities rarely put us at home at the same time at a reasonable hour. So we text to communicate what we need. I personally am not opposed to texting. Its about being available to your loved ones any time of the day or night and not having to pause your show or put down your book but for only a few seconds to respond. Is it too cold and inhuman? Not to me. I find text to be a vehicle for later appropriate conversation when in the company of your love. I do not text anything I can't say in person.  

The whole idea of communication leads me to thoughts of relationships. All relationships require work - or maintenance. What you put in to a relationship is what you get out. It's where my need for matched effort takes root. A real, true relationship isn't going to be about games. Games like purposely waiting an inordinate amount of time to respond to a text, acting aloof, or just not being honest about what you want. After reading the article I was appalled. It was so true on so many levels and I began to thank my lucky stars that none of it applied to me...well except the texting part - no games, just that I'm a texting addict.  LOL! But that is me and its perpetuated by a very darling Huckleberry because he adores me :)

So back to this matched effort and maintenance thing. Some relationships seem very hard to maintain. You see these couples all the time. They are strained and no one is smiling. There are scowls and frowns and someone always looks mad.  She's nagging and he's looking for a way to escape the verbal onslaught. Attitudes need serious adjusting. Makes you wonder how their other half deals with them every night.

Now I'm going to gloat.

With Huckleberry, I've yet to find the work in our relationship. It's like we ironed out all the wrinkles in another lifetime. Yeah we are still learning about each other but no one is screaming, "Run Forrest! Run!" There are so many similarities between us and so few differences you'd think we were separated at birth. That thought kinda creeps us out however unlikely but always forces us to continue to ponder the thought we've done this before. It's so easy being with Huckleberry, so innate and this is why I don't feel like I'm "working." I do things born of joy and a true need to bring happiness to him. If I can make him smile then my day is complete. And it isn't work. At least it doesn't feel that way to me. This, whatever this is, is what I'm here to experience and have. Every choice I've made in my life has brought me here. There is nothing in my life I would go back and undo because the consequence is not something I'm willing to consider.

Huckleberry loves me and this makes me the luckiest girl in the universe!

As always,
M

Here's the article: http://thoughtcatalog.com/christopher-hudspeth/2014/04/18-ugly-truths-about-modern-dating-that-you-have-to-deal-with/#UojZPWTum2YAU7K8.01

Well, what DO you call it?

Every moment I spend with my Huckleberry I learn something new that friggin' parallels our universe. Either here and now or from our childhood. Its just amazing how alike our lives were before "us." The similarities come up more and more often and there are so many of them I can't keep track anymore! Seriously...we were talking today and something came up that prompted a conversation about us "doing this before" somewhere along the line. This brings me to what all of this is called. Or what others call it. People talk about meeting their soul mates, kindred spirits, or soul twins...whatever you call it...

It's unmistakable is what it is.

Edgar Cayce and his son Hugh believe our soul mate is a reincarnation of someone we were bonded to in a past life. Their theory always involves lovers of some form. Each life we return to find this person as a means to achieve enlightenment and love in it's purest form. We had this bond previously and developed spiritually together and now find each other in this life because there is an innate mutual dependency and need. Ok, I buy it.

Carl Jung's theory is a little different. He talks about a collective unconsciousness that brings episodes of deja vu, love at first sight, and soul mate reunions. He thinks we inherit memories and psychic abilities from the experiences we have from past lives. These memories are born with us and when we meet our other person these memories come out in snippets. Is that what's going on? Are we remembering things from our past lives and projecting them to life with the one we are connected to now? I can see how this theory may work too.

My favorite theory is of divided souls. In the Symposium by Plato, there is abstract discussion about love and it's life implications. The philosopher, Aristophanes, describes the omnipotent powers of love and it's Godly origins. Zeus attempts to humble mankind by cutting us in half (this means our souls too, gang) to make us weaker. This cutting creates a wild hunger to unite with our missing half which explains human desire to find a soul mate. The motivation of love explains this physical and emotional need to be whole again, to find our other half. This is a very romantic explanation of why I'm so drawn to my Huckleberry.

How many people do you know which you can share so many similar or exact experiences that you shake your head and think, "what the fuck?" On the same parallel we ate fish stew as kids (this isn't what hit us today but it's still a good example). Huckleberry's was made of catfish and mine was made of fish heads. Both are served over rice. Though he hates his and I like mine, this can't be normal! Can it? The idea of fish stew is so far out there...it's not a normal dish parents will make for their off spring. Is it?

I've always felt the notion of a soul mate was just love sick talk. Its the same I feel about love at first sight. I'm not a love skeptic, never have been, but I never bought the idea we each have one true half that completes us. Probably because I never felt it. Well, until now. Oh how my mind, and heart, have changed. I need him because I love him. I can't imagine this life or future lives with out him. He's my heart. Truly.

As always,
M

I smell smoke!

I've been thinking again...this is dangerous, I know. 

I've been thinking about what I may do after I'm too old and too tired for the work force. Am I going to be one of those goofy old ladies wearing a red hat and purple dress? Red hat maybe. Purple dress...uh, NOT! While I love the regal shade of purple I refuse to wear it. Has something to do with a popular kids character named Barney. You heard of him? Yeah. Not going to wear purple.  Moving on, so, will I take up numerous hobbies like knitting, macrame, or crocheting? Nah. Maybe make jewelry or take more art classes. Maybe find a pottery shop I can turn my own clay and fire it. I will admit, I was totally prepared to becoming the crazy dog lady. You know, I'd be retired but I'd work tirelessly for the local Golden rescue. I'd foster half a dozen in a quaint house near the ocean with a pool in the back yard. Yes, I need a pool. There is some strange therapy wrapped around that need. Kinda like how I feel when peeling an orange. Oh, and I'm going to have sun-kissed skin and no tan lines. But yes, I actually considered starting my collection of orphaned Goldens sooner rather than later. Seriously. 

Then something unexpected happened. Someone else showed up. All of a sudden I don't want to be the crazy dog lady anymore. Don't misunderstand, I will likely always have at least two-dogs I mean. I'm very partial to dogs. Big dawgs! They respond, they adapt, they love unconditionally. My girls are like my kids. But this isn't about them. This is about my person. My heart. The one that found a way to my soul. A path no one has ever seen or known quite frankly, not even close.  No one ever reached the barrier to break through. To me, it's pure magic. In the past it was always about what I could bring to the table. I cook. I clean. I do the laundry. I vacuum even though I loathe doing it. I was raised to be a house wife. I was raised to take care of a man and children and a home. The lady is not disappointed by my interpretation of the trade she bestowed on me. My daddy raised me to be an independent thinker and hard worker. He also taught me how to be kind and gentle to even those who cannot do anything for me- look for the best in everyone but don't settle. And there I go on another tangent...point is, I don't believe my most favorite will take me for granted like the others. 

So now I'm looking ahead and there is someone there. My son is living his own life. Maybe married with my grandbabies-please God not until I'm at least 50! My person is parked in his chair watching the tube-sports most likely. For fuck sake, yes! He has a pass for ALL sports. You know what? I dig the hell out of it too! The dogs are sleeping at his feet. Where am I? Puttering around the kitchen deciding what to bake  or cook , maybe writing a novel, based on real life. Either way, I've got a pitcher of fresh squeezed lemonade made with sliced strawberries and a little bit if mint. I dunno why mint, for zing? I'm doing my thing whatever whim fancies me at the time. The freakin' most awesome thing about that, the whim and fancy thing? He let's me do it! Whatever it may be. Well, except for the half dozen dogs. I don't think that will fly. LOL!

The point is this, I thought I was going to go it alone for the rest of my life. I thought for certain that I was not destined to be somebody's someone. Not for lack of trying that's for sure. Glutton for punishment? Probably. I'd rather call it just plain hopeless. But this last time? Shoot, I just threw in the towel. I was determined to be alone. To be the crazy dog lady with half a dozen golden retrievers running around the pool in the back yard of a quaint little house near the ocean. 

You know what? Solitary crazy dog lady life is not my vision anymore. There is no question of what's next for me. I know what's next. I get share my life with an amazing incredible man. Today, tomorrow, the next day...in what capacity? Eh, we'll figure it out. Cross that bride when we come to it. I can hear him calling for me from his chair though, "Baby girl?! Can you make me a sandwich?" I smile and answer, "Of course, Huckleberry. You want some lemonade too?" Because this life is what the lady prepared me for. This life is what my daddy taught me to hold out for. This life is the one I've wanted each time I tried and failed. 

As always,

M

Comes back on you three fold...

I've talked about this before. Whatever energy you put out in to the universe will come back to you. For a year now I've been practicing what I preach. I find the positive in every situation. Life is complicated enough. Why throw negativity on top of things you can't control? Here's an example. I have this beautiful new shiny red car. I've only had Sexy Bitch for six weeks. I work at a location with hundreds of others and parking gets hairy as the morning turns to afternoon. I backed in to a spot like normal. Granted...my backed in parking needs some work-I'm still trying to remember to use my camera- but I'm cozy in my space. I guess too cozy. Someone clipped my car pulling out of the space next to mine. Yeah, Sexy Bitch needs a face lift already. I went through the expected range of emotions. Disbelief, anger, sadness...then remembered, It's just a car!  It was an accident and this is why we have insurance. Good thing was, and this is part of the the energies you send out (karma, law of attraction), the owner of the other car left a note of apology and a number. I don't believe this kindness could have been extended unless I had that positive vibe surrounding me. 

My point? If I had been sending nothing but nasty negative downer energy out there then things could have been worse. It's that simple. Since I began this transformation I noticed that my negative days are fewer and far between. I have a lot to make up for but the positive energy I send out, the positive outlook I have, and letting go of things I can't control - its life changing! So much good comes to my life. I now attract the things, and people, that keep me positive. Of course, there remains in my world a scattering of the nattering nabobs of negativity from my other life time.  Old habits or blind acceptance?

Something happened this week that troubled me for a minute. This is because I accepted the circumstances as they had always been and never questioned how it may affect my positive vibe and the positive vibes of others I care for and love. Never considered it may be harming to all the changes I made or to the one I now adore.  I've accepted this negative energy to continue to be a part of my life without questioning why and I was called out on it, indirectly, but called out none the less. The message was immediately apparent and I knew it was the truth. As I retold the events to a dear friend his response hit me pretty effing hard in my heart. Not a bad hard but like saying,  duh, you dipshit! And I quote, "It takes someone to want better for you to point out the things you have been too willing to accept." I overlooked the truth of the energy surrounding this event for so long it just became acceptable behavior. 

Why did it hit me hard in the heart? The person that called me out...this person wants "better" for me...and happens to be my most favorite of all time in the history of ever! It took another person separate from the event and unaware to remind me again how much my most favorite adores me in return. 

Another thing I relearned through this event, negative feelings are negative energy. Jealousy, envy,  and anger are the most common. The transfer of affection, coveting the good fortune or luck of another, feeling wronged are all validating. I am not going to strip the right to feel these emotions from any one person or even myself. Feel them if it makes you feel better. Realize though, those emotions are negative and if you feel that negativity you send that negativity out to the universe. It will swell out of control and it just becomes all you know. These negative emotions are most likely why the universe isn't sending you anything good to work with. Your feelings and actions determine whether the universe will provide the darkness or the light. Only you are responsible for that. 

When I decided to make positive changes in my life I was lacking the confidence of success. Living in the aftermath of another failed marriage did a number on my self esteem and confidence. I incorporated some self talk in my morning routine that really helped me move past the bad. If you want your life to change you have to start with your self. You have to love who you are and know you have great things to contribute. If you do not believe this with every fiber of your being, reaching your goals will be a long challenging road. 

That is all. 

As always,

M

I don't normally use scripture to open conversation...

From 1 Corinthians 13 and The Way of Love...“Love excuses everything, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

OK, I never use scripture to open conversation but a topic came up today that got me kinda thinking. Yes, I am about to philosophize you but not in a pompous way! I promise! A friend posted a thought provoking question on Facebook today. He asks, "Between the two, what is the ultimate sacrifice; losing an everlasting friendship or losing a potential love forever?"  In my mind the answer is so complex but yet so easy to understand. Everlasting friendship is also everlasting love. Sometimes the friendship comes first and sometimes it's love. The definition of the word 'potential' is having the capability or ability to develop to something more. So how do you know you've lost a love if it was only potential? I believe that love is felt so deep in your soul that there is no potential but rather, propensity. The inclination is there and develops over time. And you just...know. Some things are also just  not meant to be. And some things have always been meant to be and finally arrive. Love sleeps in us until we are ready to let it wake our hearts. 

The love you feel for each person you connect with in your life varies. We love our parents, we love our siblings, we love our children, we love our spouses or significant others, we love our friends, we love our pets. Some of us even love inanimate objects or people we will never meet. This brings us back to just knowing it in the deepest parts of our soul. If we are meant to love someone, we do. And we know it. There is never a question of potential. It's innate. 

Let's talk a little about the love we feel for our significant others. This is something else that has the wheels turning. You think you love the other person and that love could be forever. Then shit happens and you move on in life with a broken heart. Or you are the one that breaks the heart of another. Either way the love you thought was forever isn't anymore. The love has changed or gone away. Now you are going through the motions of life again and you are meeting new people or rediscovering people you already knew and, WHAM-O! You are KO'd by cupid, knocked flat on your ass. You sit up and see little pink hearts dancing around your noggin. This happens every day for the same man and its fantastic! 

You know you felt love for the others in your past. Had to have, or else you wouldn't have coupled with them or even married them. But that changed and is over. Now you are part of something much larger and you question yourself. This person is in every way perfect for you. This person gets you. This person has made you a better person. You love this person with every bit of your soul that you wonder, did you even love the others in the past because dude, it was nothing like this. Nothing. Not even close. And when its mutual, because you just know it is...OMG....heaven on earth! You are pinching yourself thinking you are dreaming but its not a dream. Its real and you wonder how you deserve such bliss.

I believe if we ask the universe for what we want we will receive it when we are ready. Go on. Don't be afraid. Tell the universe what you are looking for and when you are finally ready to receive, you'll find your person in the most unlikely and unexpected way.

There is no higher gift than love.

As Always,

M

When I could be doing other things...

I just like this story...Hercules and Megara. He dove in the river Styx to rescue her soul!

Hamper is overflowing. School work is waiting. Dusting is behind schedule. Vacuuming, one chore I loathe, needs to be done daily. Brushing the hairy beasts seems like a good idea. I didn't make my bed this morning. Toilets needs to be scrubbed. The dishwasher is full. I've got a great book to read. I'm exhausted by the time change still. TV is keeping me company tonight. Haven't done yoga in a while. Winning the lottery sounds like a great idea. Bake? Nah. Not in the mood. Boy, am I all over the place or what? I have a great life. A life that allows me the luxury of putting off many of the things I could be doing. I am blessed in so many great and incredible ways! I am wealthy with adoring family and loyal friends. I've even found a love that is quite unique and just, gosh, amazing! 

OMG! What is wrong with me? A commercial just came on advertising mobile check deposits and Momma handed her new baby to her brother so she could do her banking. He was resistant at first but after the baby settled and stopped crying he was good to go. For half a millisecond I wanted a baby. Yikes! WTF? Wait, wait, wait...I think I know what this is about. A couple things actually. I can't believe I'm writing this here. First, my adult son will someday soon leave the nest. He will become a self sufficient, valuable contributor to society. That kind of freaks me out...that my child will want to leave and have a completely separate life from mine. What happened to the sweet baby that needed me for everything? I realize that's what kids do but damn. No! He's my baby and I don't want him to leave, ever! But I also want him to be independent. The bi-polar flip flopping doesn't work for me and wears me out.  Your old ma will adjust when its time to go. 

OK ,so the other thing is going to be harder to explain. Huckleberry loves kids. Adores them. I see this in him. I see him watch children with wonder and awe. Quite frankly makes me feel squishy when I'm witness to this, this joy and delight dancing in his eyes. Gooey, goo-goo eyed squishy! I  smile and my heart swells. So, I'm 42, nearly 43. Holy shit! I'm not a spring chicken anymore. Shop is closed and has been for over two decades. The biological clock no longer ticks, trust me. Never in those 20 some years did I ever have any longing need or desire for another child. Nope, not even an inkling. So what the hell happened? I think I can explain what happened. I've talked about how Huckleberry's happiness is in turn my happiness. In that half a millisecond I wanted a baby because I know children, in general, bring happiness to Huckleberry. Not my intention to sound bat shit crazy...c'mon it was just a fleeting thought! Please don't hang me! Totally went full female for half a millisecond over a TV baby. Geez! I can hear him asking in his radio DJ voice, "What is wrong with you?" With emphasis on the word 'wrong.' LMAO! Can't take the thought back now. It happened whether we were ready to hear it or not! And I'm shaking my head at myself...

I've just reached that awkward moment when I said something stupid and instead of shutting up I keep talking and made it worse. Yeah, I could be doing other things right now. Like keeping my mouth shut.