I'm not a critic, ice cream, and puppy dreams...

Sometimes I stumble on a TV show while exercising my thumb on the clicker. Of course ownership of said clicker has since departed my now un-exercised thumb but that isn't the point of my story today. Since I haven't had regular control of the remote my recent clicking excursion ended on a show which I am surprised is being aired. Two Broke Girls. The riches to rags and still in rags story doesn't do anything for me. The chemistry of these to actors is scripted. I will say there were a couple laugh out loud moments but more from the sheer ridiculous antics than from actual humor. I only stopped on this silly show because Mike & Molly is on next. I know it's a rerun I've seen at least three times in the past month but it's still a creatively funny script. Besides, why can't all shows have the easy humorous chemistry like Mike & Molly or Big Bang Theory? Ok, no. I am not a TV show critic or reviewer nor do I have aspiration to be one. Gone are the times of Siskel and Ebert because now we have fresh or rotten tomatoes. My choice of TV shows is personal and I really don't care if you like what I think of some of the TV fodder out there. Now, this doesn't mean I am giving up my Thursday night line up so get that idea out of your head.

I recently recounted a childhood memory to my darling Huck regarding the Lady. There was a time when Bubba and I were around the age of 5-ish when we went out for ice cream as a family. The Lady ordered ice cream for us to share with her. This was normal behavior of hers but looking back on that fleeting memory made me realize something. She didn't really want to share her ice cream with us. Why do I think that you ask? Because what five year old child likes rum raisin? Really. She ordered a scoop of rum raisin on one of those cake cones (which I would rather not have to this day) and proceeded to invite us to each have a lick of it. I remember vividly in that moment eyeballing a raisin and scrunching my nose up in distaste and saying, "I don't like it" without tasting it. And I never got a lick of ice cream that day. Around the same time frame the Lady tried to make home made strawberry ice cream because we asked for some. I didn't like that one with out tasting it also because there were large chunks of real fruit in it. Why can't a kid just get plain old chocolate or vanilla or pink strawberry ice cream? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being thrifty with food when you have small kids around. I've done it. The time and energy she spent to make that ice cream only for us both to turn our noses up at it makes no sense to me. She could have spent a few dollars on store bought and the Bubba and I would have been blissfully happy. Oh dear, my life is an episode of Fresh Off the Boat.

The fact I actually like rum raisin and real strawberry ice cream now isn't the point. 

Annie dog did the cutest thing today and I didn't catch it in time to get video. I was quietly working and knew both of my puppy girls were close by sleeping as they do for approximately 20 hours a day in their old age. I mean sheesh, the life of these girls...Eat. Shit. Sleep. Repeat. Anyway, I shifted slightly in the chair. I immediately hear this light thumping sound behind me for a good three or four thumps then it goes quiet. I figured Annie heard me and thought she was going to get pets. A couple heart beats later I hear it again. I didn't move in the chair this time so I realize I didn't trigger the tail tapping. I slowly turned around to see her sound asleep but wagging her tail. I am surprised she didn't wake herself up she was beating her tail so hard as if she were awake. Huck says she must have been having a good dream. I must concur. I think she was dreaming Huck came home :)

I've been a little busy

Life is ebb and flow like the tides of the ocean. Sometimes you find yourself with nothing to do but the mundane like grocery shopping and picking up dog food - the tide is rolling out leaving a clean shore behind and nothing obscuring your view to the vast ocean. It's peaceful tranquility. Sometimes your schedule is jammed packed with activities and meetups and events you are left exhausted thinking about all you have planned-the tide is rolling in with big crashing waves threatening to grab you and drag you out to sea. It's pure chaos. Occasionally the ebb and flow of life masterfully join and quietly roll in and out without incident where you get enough tranquility with some chaos peppered in there.

I really don't care to be balls to the wall busy all the time. It's fine to have multiple things scheduled in a week or weekend but I am not a back to back event participant. And I don't mind set plans but am more of the "fly by the seat of your pants" kind of girl. For instance, Huck and I had this idea for the gym, late lunch, then a movie yesterday. Well, we ended up ditching the gym and went to Walmart instead. Yes we grabbed a late lunch that was more like an early dinner. And no, the movie didn't happen. There was beer involved at a Happy Hour in our favorite beach spot which explains blowing off the movie. No big deal. So our plan changed on the fly. Oddly this happens more often than not with us. I'm totally good with it too. With all that said though, we are good about making scheduled engagements too. My Huck says he feels like a show pony and you know what? I love showing him off! 

On a completely unrelated note, I recently began working from home. It is something that I have been busting my ass off to do for the past year and finally earned the privilege to maintain my own virtual office. I worked at home years ago and was challenged not by being able to stay focused to work. The challenge came from working too much. Back then I was a salaried employee and it was just too easy to work all hours of the day and night. I had tons of autonomy and as long as I met my numbers the boss didn't care when I worked or how long. Things are different this time. But then again not really. There are distractions but not the same as before. I now have a schedule to keep one that I chose myself over a year ago. I am also older so my ability to focus is more finely tuned. 

After all these years I love working from home again. I get up at the same time as if I have to go to the office. But now I have an extra hour of leisure time to enjoy coffee and watch the news. I can take longer walks with the girls in the morning. Not that we walk further just dawdle longer so the girls have more sniffing time. The best thing is my job is no different. I just do it in my jammies now. There is no more racing the clock in the morning or fighting traffic on the short leg to work. I don't have to witness the palpable negativity of the Debbie Downer's in the office. It's quiet at home and comfortable. I feel so much more relaxed to do what I do. This of course makes me one happy chick.

It doesn't need to always be louder

I don't hear very well. I have trouble hearing at certain decibels. Sometimes a person's speak sounds like a mouth full of marbles to my ears. If you want to speak to me in the morning, especially soon after I've woken up, be prepared to repeat yourself at least three times. At the very least. The worst thing someone can do to me is get impatient or mad because no matter how hard I try I can't make out what was said. Occasionally my brain understands another's words so completely different and so far off what was intended that it's humorous. In my attempt to make certain I heard what another person says to me I repeat what was said. This acknowledges I understood and provides confirmation to whom I speak that I did actually hear. Yes, I realize this makes me kind of a parrot. A lot of the times if I don't hear you by the time you've repeated yourself three times I just give up and pretend I heard what you said. So don't be offended if I laugh and I wasn't supposed to. Or if I don't laugh and I was supposed to. Chances are I heard nothing. Accents are terrible. I can understand most but if your name is Rajesh or Drashti and you speak in that fabulous and beautiful Indian lilt - forget it. You better write it down on a post-it.

Another reason why I feel I don't hear well is because of all the noise in my brain. My thoughts are swirling and bouncing and rolling around without strategy or reason. There is no pattern to my thoughts because I can start thinking about one important item and it leads in the direction of something completely different. I joke I have ADD and while it may be true - I do exhibit many of the items on the diagnosis list - I try in vain to control my incessant need to just let my thoughts run wild. It's bad enough I cannot physically hear you but most times my brain wanders off and I'm caught up trying to remember what I'm supposed to pick up at Publix instead of listening to what you are saying. If I stop parroting you its a good indication I shut off the ears. I think Huck is the only one in my life that has learned to make me repeat what he said to make sure I was actually listening and heard the words and meaning.

So yeah, about this noise in my brain. See? I already derailed. I've got so much noise in my brain right now that I've tried a little psychotropic remedy to shut the flow of shit off. I don't think I'm doing it right or maybe it's not the right remedy. I spent the day wanting to cry for no reason other than I thought if I did I'd feel relief. Lulu called it a purge. Needless to say I have been moody and weepy the past couple weeks and I don't think anyone understands what is happening. Of course I don't let anyone in so its entirely my fault no one is wise to my crazy brain moments. I try to blame it on the "change" but I think it's so much more than that. I'm sure it doesn't help to have all those effing hormones racing around but I feel it's only a small part of what's happening. Besides, whining about my feelings is just so freaking female. Why do I want to whine and cry and tell everyone my feelings? I don't want to be pitied or anyone to feel sorry for me, or feel obligated to make me feel better in some way. I'm a strong, independent woman and crying is for girls.

So my son isn't speaking to me or anyone in the family still - since a few days before Mother's Day (which I'm still pretty hurt about). At least I know he's alive and hasn't completely oust me from his life. I see him on Facebook randomly through the day. The lady wasn't very nice to me over the weekend. She told me if the punk wasn't coming with me to my nephew's graduation to not bother coming at all and my nephew wouldn't notice I wasn't there anyway. What the fuck?! Mean! At least Bubba and my sister-in-law care about me. Bubba said he wanted me to come regardless which made me feel better. Daddy would have been 73 years old yesterday. Any time I think of Daddy, which is every day, I wish he were here to just hug me and tell me everything will be ok and tuck my hair behind my ear like he used to when he was comforting me.

I have so many great things happening in my life also. Anything related to Huck is amazing. He's the most caring, darling, loving man. He takes wonderful care of me in all ways. And even though he says he has no patience for anything he has mountains of patience when it comes to me. And I know I am a very trying woman. So with the bad there is so much good too. And so much love. So very much.  Love is all that matter's in the end.

I forget to not expect...

The past year has been met with a great deal of the lowest lows. There are not many in my life that know what I've been through since last summer with regard to those lows. The concern, sadness, fear, and heartache has been trying. Exhausting. My hair is falling out. What's left is turning gray. I've put stress weight on. I am emotional and scatter brained. My health is being effected and my mental well being is in jeopardy. I spend a good deal of my alone time wanting to curl up in the fetal position to just cry. That can't be healthy. I internalize my pain. I don't speak openly about the things that bother me only because I don't want to be a burden on anyone. I don't want anyone to know I am troubled in any way. I wear a smile and laugh to mask, well, every dark and brooding thought that rolls around in my brain. Who wants to hear me whine about the things I feel? That is just too much to ask someone, even those who are my greatest champions.

I spent the entire day alone and feeling quite pitiful having boxed mac n'cheese for my Mother's Day meal because I just don't have it in me to get out for something better or all by myself. I tried speaking to the lady about it but she told me to suck it up-she's alone today too. Of course, she got cards and phone calls from her children. I got diddly squat. Nothing to say "I appreciate you, Mom." Nothing that told me I am loved. Nada. Zilch. While every day is mother's day to all us moms in the world the least our can do is reach out and say hello on the one day of the year designated to us. I received a very loud and clear "fuck off" in the form of silence today. Even with everything going to shit this past year it dawns on me, this is all just expectation. I am expecting someone to act a certain way. I know better than that.

I've come to realize that expectation in any relationship is just a set up. A set up for some great disappointments. It's not just in romantic love relationships but also with regard to family and friends. Not only did I expect my son to act a certain way today I also expected the lady to act a certain way as well. With all the difficulties I've had I have also been blessed with some very wonderful and amazing highest highs. The highs are what I must focus on. The highs are what keeps me going and moving forward. The highs helped me understand that no matter how dark it gets there is always light. Today is just another day. Another day I can embrace my blessings and love with all I have.

The highs must be my beacon out of the darkness today.

No learning curves ahead.

While working on my bachelor's degree years ago I took an introductory course in psychology. Of course it was a requirement to graduate but the course seemed interesting enough. The professor was actually a clinical psychologist that specialized in behavior modification for patients with schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, and severe anxiety. She dabbled a little in learning disabilities in adults as well. Ok. The one item I learned and took away from the course is that a person can learn something (making it rote) simply by "touching" it 7 times. You hear it, you see it, you read it, you write it, read it, and hear it again. This actually helped me the rest of my educational career. I created a learning and study routine that enabled me to essentially memorize the information being taught to me using this formula. Of course I forgot most of what I learned back then and honestly couldn't recite the preamble of our constitution or tell you what all ten of the Bill of Rights are now but when I needed to know it, I did.

Where is this going, you ask? Huck said something to me the other day about changing old habits and replacing them with new. I think it was you have to do the new habit 21 times in order for it to become a habit. My new habit is remembering to shut the bathroom door when I am done using it. This is Huck's request and not something I do consistently since he isn't here most days so it's been hard. I do remember to do it before I leave the house or go to bed. I don't always remember to do it while I am home. Why am I trying to change this habit of leaving the bathroom door open? My dog Sunshine is a garbage picker and my other dog Annie eats whatever is taken out of said garbage. 

Sunshine will root out the discarded cardboard tube from toilet paper. Annie eats this whole. Sunshine will sniff out and shred paper items whether it be tissue, toilet paper, or old receipts. Annie then eats the soggy wads left behind. Sunshine sucks the used cotton off Q-tips. Annie eats the sticks the cotton end used to be stuck to. Sunshine pulls out each individual cotton pad I use to remove my make up and leaves them scattered around. Annie sucks them up like marshmallows. There isn't a used fabric softener sheet, cotton ball, Q-tip, paper item of any kind, dental floss, hair pulled out of a brush, or toilet paper tube in this house that is safe from Sunshine's destruction or Annie's insatiable hoover-ish appetite. So I'm in training to close the bathroom door. This has been fun. I lapse from time to time and that's ok. I can't beat myself up every time I forget to shut the bathroom door. Adjust and move forward, right? Learning takes time. 

The answer to life, the universe and everything...

Says Ethel.

I've always been of the mind set, "If it doesn't fit, don't force it." This can apply to a multitude of things and situations. Like skinny jeans. Yeah, don't force them on if they aren't going easily over your ass. Strappy sandals. While they may be cute with your new summer dress if your pinkie toe is riding outside the confines of the straps and looking like a talon, you're doing it wrong. Tight t-shirts. If you have Ethel Rolls, just don't. If you are wondering, Ethel Roll is that roll of chub that sits over my belly button and from time to time struggles for freedom and begs for chocolate cake and wine. And bread. Oh, pasta. Yeah. Pasta.

You get the point. 

Sometimes the universe will put us in a situation (especially if we asked for it and are ready to receive it) we are forced to make decisions that will be life changing or altering. Usually a positive experience but sometimes not so positive. Sometimes these situations in life are microscopic instances or occasions that barely register on the blip-o-meter whether we decide for or against. Whether you are trying to decide if that chocolate chip cookie at midnight is a good idea or working on something more pressing like what kind of car to buy, we have to take the emotion out of the equation.

The larger decisions and circumstances that involve others in your life are the most difficult to remove the emotion. Someone is bound to be disappointed or brokenhearted at some point especially when it's a not so positive situation. Recently we, Huck and I, were faced with a situation requiring a decision on a very positive event that could have gone two ways. This is where the whole "don't force it" cliche comes to play. Let me tell you how relieved I was we were of the same mindset with this one. I knew we were very closely tuned but this situation just proved we think a lot alike in these situations. Ok, I'm not sure if I should be scared or relieved now that I think of it - about the thinking the same thing. It's just uncanny how we can come to a separate conclusions about the same situation separately (if that makes sense) and we react the same when the situation concludes. Don't get me wrong, I was a bit stressed waiting but when the answer came I knew what to do. He did as well. The 'what to do' was the same for both of us. Dust off our britches and keep on moving forward. We can't force something to happen that isn't meant to be. And we are fine with that outcome. Moving on.

No need to don your imminent peril sunglasses or keep track of your towel or feed your babelfish. Life is about everything fitting without being forced. The universe will provide us with our most heartfelt desires if it will fit. If what you think you most desire doesn't come to fruition it's probably because the universe is preparing you for something better. Bigger. More meaningful. And equal to 42.

A valid questionnaire.

1. You have ten dollars and need to buy snacks at a gas station, what do you buy?
Diet Coke, Funyons and spicy Slim Jim's

2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
A mermaid so I could still walk on land during the full moon.

3. Who is your favorite redhead?
Has to be Jessica Rabbit...she's not bad she's just drawn that way.

4. What do you order when you are at IHOP?
The omelet with hash browns in it

5. Last book you read?
Last book I finished reading is, "First Phone Call from Heaven" by Mitch Albom.

6. Describe your mood.
I'm in a fabulous mood right this moment

7. Describe the last time you were injured:
When I stole the recycle cart from one of my neighbors and broke my toe nail trying to hide it. I didn't intend to steal it. I swear.

8. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
Of all of my friends I have to say Lulu would be the best company but she might hate me if I wished this fate on her. 

9. Rock concert or symphony?
How about a rock symphony?

10. What is the wallpaper of your cell phone?
Roses from my Huck.

11. Favorite soda:
Today it's Coca-cola Cherry Zero

12. What type of shirt are you wearing?
A t-shirt from Colorado

13. If you could only use one form of transportation:
A magic carpet would be great

14. Most recent movie you have watched in theaters?
Live action Cinderella. It was wonderful!

15. Name an actor/actress/singer you have had the hots for:
There have been so many...Chris Hemsworth and Henry Kavil are my faves lately.

16. What is your favorite kind of cake?
Dennis the Menace cake...yellow cake with chocolate fudge frosting

17. What did you have for dinner last night?
Some pasta and marinara.

18. Look to your left, what do you see?
Out the window at the roof of a lower building.

19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Nope but then I dont' wear shoes that require laces either.

20. Favorite toy as a child?
I used to have this stuffed seal I called Felicia

21. Do you buy your own groceries?
If I want to eat.

22. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Of course they do! They talk about how darn fabulous I am :)

23. When’s the last time you had gummy worms?
About a year ago when I got some at the candy shop before a movie.

24. What's your favorite fruit?
I love most all fruit but always have apples around.

25. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel?
Ya know...I do actually. It's in an old album at the Lady's house

26. Do you like running long distances?
Fuck no. I don't even like running short distances.

27. Have you ever eaten snow?
Yup and tried catching snow flakes on my tongue

28. What color are your bedsheets?
I put the dark brown ones on today.

29. What's your favorite flower?
daisies they are such happy flowers

30. Do you do ballet?
Never have. I have no balance to do any of that nonsense.

31. Do you listen to classical music?
once in a while

32. What is the first TV theme song that pops in your head?
Big Bang Theory theme song

33. Do you watch Sponge Bob?
I used to when the Punk was little.

34. What temperature is it outside right now?
Hot and muggy I am sure

35. Do people consider you smart?
I've been told I'm a blind squirrel.

36. How many piercings do you have?
4 total...in my ears

37. Are you signed on AIM?
When was the last time anyone used that crap?

38. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together?
Never on purpose

39. How do you feel about your family?
I love the dysfunctional bunch.

40. Do you have an iPod?
Nope. Used to have an iPhone.

41. What time do you go to bed?
When I am tired. Usually about midnight.


42. What CD is currently in your CD player?
In the car it's Awesome Mix No.1

43. What movie do you know every line to?
I don't.

44. What is your favorite salad dressing?
Blue Cheese

45. What did you get for Christmas this year?
It was a Hawaiian Christmas and loved every bit of it.

46. What family member/friend lives the farthest from you?
I have family in Cali.

47. Do you like hugs?
I love warm hugs

48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
hmmm today when he text me he slept late

49. What is the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?
My mom can't say my name. The r's sound like L's

50. last person you hugged?

My massage therapist this morning

Have you ever kissed somebody who's name started with J?
Yeah actually, my first kiss was with a boy named Jason.

Do you use smiley's on the computer a lot?
Probably more than I should be using them.

Did you sing at all today?
as a matter of fact I did along with the radio

Do you like orange juice?
Only when I can have it on the rocks

What's the first thing you did when you woke up this morning?
turned off my alarm and said "fuck" then played the snooze game for 30 more minutes

What was the last thing you bought?
A bday gift for Lulu

You have a crazy side?
Crazy as in psycho? no.

Do you wish someone was with you right now?
Yes.

Would you rather it be sunny or rainy ?
depends on what I am doing

When was the last time you talked to your number 1?
my number 1 what?

How do you feel right now?
Relaxed. I'm sore a little. My throat hurts.

What do you want for your birthday?
Hugs and kisses

What do you currently hear?
The TV - NCIS is on. My nails clicking on the keyboard...

Do you like getting big hugs?
Yes, I love warm hugs.

Who did you last talk to on the phone?
Huck

How did last night go?
It was quiet. Got my chores done.

Is there someone who doesn't like you because of something you didn't do?
I am sure some where along the way someone blames me for something I am not privy to.

How much money is in your wallet?
I may have a few dollar bills.

Have you ever been punched in the face?
Yes and I beat the crap out of him the stupid head.

Ever been on a motorcycle?
Many moons ago and loved it

Did you shower today?
Gonna when I am done with this task. I still don't know what possessed me to do it.

Are you closer with your mom or dad?
I was closest to Daddy when he was still here. Now it's the Lady by default. I'm not her favorite.

Do you believe once a cheater always a cheater?
I do for the most part. Once that trust has been breached it's very difficult to get it back.

Do you like to travel?
Yes! Where are we going?

What is your favorite kind of food?
I don't like liver

Can you cook?
Yes I can. Never trust a skinny cook ya know.

If you're stressed then get a cold clap your hands!

I left work early today in haste. It wasn't because I had an emergency or just over working. I didn't have an appointment or need to run an urgent errand. I left in haste because I think I'm coming down with a cold. I have the tell-tale symptoms of body aches (though mild now and my be due to the diagnosed diagnosis of Fibromyalgia), I have the post-nasal sore throat, I had the chills earlier then got hot, and just feel like caca overall. I got the bleary hot eyes last night and began to sneeze this morning. So I sped home to begin dosing on some homemade turkey soup and Zycam. It's actually no wonder I may be coming down with something with all the recent stress I've experienced. It could also be the fault of my boss-man walking around the office with the coughs and sniffles. He did a great job hiding out but those little bugs always find a way to infiltrate the strongest of immune systems.

Where do I start? I know, how about I tell you how my son decided to run away to Mexico? I'm not kidding. In years past I used to always joke I was running away to Mexico when I was overwhelmed and frustrated. I used to kid when something went wrong, "That's it! I'm running away to Mexico!" Well my kid decided he was doing the same for real. After a couple of poorly made decisions the past couple of months he finally came clean and told his father and I about his plans to find his own way in his life. The day before he was due to leave. Yeah. I wasn't too happy to hear his plans needless to say. I understand why he feels he needs to do this. Long story short, my son, my only son, my only child, will be crossing the Mexican border in the morning.

He's traveling with a family that he's known for half his life. They are good people and I have to trust they will look out for him as one of their own. He's going to work there for the family he is traveling with so he will be occupied and not truly vacationing. Shit, the kid doesn't speak Spanish so he will not likely be running the streets alone. Oh, God please don't let him get that wild hair up his ass. I'm still freaked out and worried about his stay there. He does plan to return home after a month or two but while he is there I'm going to be a wreck. My son is a young handsome white American man. American being the operative word. I have heard the stories of kidnappings and whatnot that it makes me freak even more. OMG this means I'll be sleeping with Prince Xanax more often than not. Especially when I don't hear from him and if you are reading this Punk, I BETTER HEAR FROM YOU FREQUENTLY!!!

I don't know how many parents have been in this situation. Your kids are grown and making life choices with out you. They may be making good ones. They maybe making not so good ones. How do you get through feeling the decisions they make are going to end catastrophically wrong? How do you find peace with the choices they make and not consider your input or concerns? How do you let your babies go into the world with out you holding their hand to guide them down the right path? How?! Tell me, please!?! Those of you out there with young ones...yes, this is what you have to look forward to. Your sweet babies will one day decide it's a great idea to run off to Mexico no matter how much you beg them not to go.


In order for me to keep calm I have instituted the "Don't Tell Me Your Negative Thoughts" rule starting immediately. My thought process is this, if I say the things that worry me aloud then it is a thought I am sending out to the universe to answer. If that spoken thought is negative then I am inviting the universe to answer  in a negative way. Someone explain this to the Lady please. In the past four days I have hung up on her six times. She keeps talking about how this could happen and that could happen and omg then this may happen. Seriously? I don't want to hear it. If I hear it then it gets tangled up in my brain and I can't dispel the foreboding thought of impending disaster. And the Lady gets mad every time I tell her to stop. She says she feels it is better to say what could happen and her worst fears so that we are all aware it could happen. What? We all know what could happen. Why does it need to be said out loud? For fuck sake. Ugh.

I'm feeling pretty puny now. Time for some hot tea with lemon and honey. That always makes me feel better. Hmmm...the wonderful Huck got me some tea from Hawaii for Valentines Day. I think it's a good time to brew some of that great island goodness.

Near misses or hits or just missing the boat

Sam the
Pelican

I had a wonderful weekend last weekend. It was a weekend filled with greats. A weekend filled with fun. A  weekend filled with friendship. A weekend filled with love. I visited some areas of the west coast of Florida that I haven't seen in 20 plus years. I had no recollection of how I got to these places when I was a teenager. I know there were senior skip days and just plain old hooky days. There were trips with Daddy and other trips with high school friends. There were even trips alone on occasion.

Bad timing for a lot of things occurred last weekend. The museum that was normally open until six was closing two hours early for a private party. The opportunity to see my favorite surreal artist went out the window but it didn't bother me. Next time. Lunch was at a bar that I chose solely because the game we wanted to watch was on the TV.  I can tell you that bench we wanted to sit on to watch the sunset wasn't meant for us. The old couple carrying their own folding chairs decided it was too much trouble to use their own chairs. Neither was the other bench 50 feet away that was quickly poached by a gaggle of hyper teenagers as we meandered toward it. The bottle of hot sauce at a restaurant Huck wanted to acquire changed their labels so he opted for a coozie gift instead. 

The misses for the day went by the wayside at the ocean that evening. Even the coozie debacle that occurred after ward. The sand felt so good under my bare feet and all I needed was my arm hooked through Huck's to keep warm. The cool salty breeze kissed my cheeks filling my heart with happy giggles and treated my lips with happy smiles. I felt silly and playful and made Huck pose for selfies with the water behind us. He grumbled like a bear but knew he was happy to let me have my way. That time. Later that evening we went to see The Red Sunday who played a mean first set at a local beach bar! It was so much fun catching up with Red - you look great girl!

We started a game of "stay again" or 'hell no" with the hotels we stayed in during our travels. The little boutique hotel I chose (based on the term boutique) was an old rundown building that needed a serious renovation at best. But the location was great! Everything else pretty much sucked about it. Except that slutty shower curtain. She was all over me first then later all over Huck. At least it was a quiet, dry, clean place to sleep tangled up with my Huckleberry. That makes me happy. It still got a vote of hell no.

Ok, he's a handsome devil ain't he? 

I had the opportunity to meet a very special man on Sunday. It was fate that brought us together and a spiritual kinship that will keep us together. The connection goes back to the late sixties, the Army, and a controversial war. I tell the universe I missed my Daddy all the time so I believe a surrogate was sent to me. Meeting my surrogate for the first time calmed my mind and soothed my soul. Next time we will have more time. 

We had another miss over a $20 parking space. Huck claims it was a rookie move. We decided a walk to the ocean in the bright sunshine was a solution to tempering this crazy trend of bad timing. The sun warmed our skin as we enjoyed a relaxing stroll along the pier with the sparkling water all around us below, We saw sharks and pelicans. I named a pelican Sam. I don't know why but he looked like a Sam. We then headed further north. 

After the GPS bitch took us on a field trip to the post office we arrived at the most beautiful and charming boutique hotel. THAT hotel was worthy of calling itself boutique. WOW! Chandeliers, old upholstered chairs and settees, wall covered oil paintings, wooden walls, mirrors, and buffet tables. The room was remodeled and divine. The porches and veranda were lovely. We found a spot at a bar and had appetizers and libations to make us just a little loose and cheerful. The rest of the day was full of being in the right place at the right time. 

Then it was time to go home. And now I miss my Huck.

Yeah, I'm a thief.

A dirty rotten thief. In an effort to support my darling's altruistic desire to save our world and planet I decided I needed to start recycling again. The little community I live in does have two carts to collect our recyclables but I used it only once. That was when I moved here two years ago. Though it's nice the HOA wants to bring us all together by offering a community recycle area, they keep the carts behind a gate. And it's on the opposite side of the row of townhouses I live. While I am not lazy and don't mind dragging my recyclables to the carts 50 yards away it's just inconvenient. This is a shared sentiment with my neighbors on this end of the row. The community placement of the recycle carts may seem inconsequential to you but it meant I needed to remedy my insignificant problem with a quick phone call to the city. A quick 45 second call later promised a cart be delivered. Sometime in the future.

The request was made on this past Wednesday.  Yesterday was recycle pick-up day. As is our routine, the girls and I took our morning walk for their first constitutional of the day. I always walk the girls down the row of townhouses from my end to the other so they can check their pee-mail messages and leave some messages of their own. Along that path is a paved area where we, the residents of the community, leave our trash cans and recycle carts for pick up. Hmmm. There was an extra recycle cart on the pick up area this Thursday morning. Could it possibly be meant for me? Hmmm. The community carts are neatly stowed in the gated area as always and I didn't see the cart the night before during the late night walk with the girls. It must be mine. Hmmm. The girls and I finish our walk and passing by the pick-up area on the way back I decided to drag the cart back with us. It was well used and dirty inside but I stuck it in the garage anyway with a plan to wash it out later. 

When I arrived home yesterday there was an extra garbage can in front of my parking space. I thought nothing of it because my original can was still there, figured someone put theirs in the wrong spot. I quickly forgot about it the moment I noticed it and went inside to take care of the puppies. When I arrived home today not only was my original garbage can there along with the new garbage can but a a shiny new blue recycle cart was nestled next to them like a blue bird on a branch. This recycle cart had my house number written on it. Well, crap. I'm a thief. After I took care of the girls today I walked back out to my parking pace and rolled my bright and shiny new blue recycle cart into my garage. In my haste to get it out of sight I kicked the wheel and broke my big toenail. I broke it so badly it bled and now it stings. And now I have to soak it in Epsom salts and super glue it. I figure that is my karma for stealing someone's recycle cart.

Don't worry y'all. I will take the stolen recycle cart back out to the pick-up area. Granted it will be under the cover of a late night walk on Wednesday to make it look like it never left its spot. 

Naggers Annonymous

When you set your self up to have no expectations about a relationship, regardless of the stage it's in, nagging isn't necessary. If nagging is your mental speak and the need to spew a barrage of inane demands to your man with out regard to his mental reception you run the risk of him tuning you out. Or worse, running him off. Yes. Men will tune out the obnoxious verbal pecking quicker than you can blink. This is the primary reason women speak 50% more than men. Women, as a species, are always poking rather verbosely at men in general. Now why do you think that is? Do you think it's been since the dawn of time and the evolution of homo-sapiens that women have ridden the Nag-a-lot train? 

No wonder men only half listen to us. Imagine the cave lady is busy gathering  tasty roots and grass food while her man is hunting for meat. He comes home and the rabbit he snared is a little scrawny. What does she do? She starts in on him with grunts and screeching that can only be akin to nagging. That is the skinniest rabbit I've ever seen...You forgot to take the large spear again so you could catch something bigger... I can't depend on you to bring anything worthwhile home for me to cook...I get it, it was more fun time with your boys than it was about feeding your family...I bet you didn't bother hunting all day because you and your boys were cutting up and realized you needed to bring something home like that scrawny ass rabbit...and on, and on.  

One of the more profound adjustments I made in my attitude and approach to relationships was to stop trying to take control with incessant and totally unnecessary nagging. It never got me anywhere but ignored in the past so I figured it was part of my repertoire that could be ejected permanently for the sake of sanity. For not just me but Huck, too. There is nothing more aggravating than to be completely ignored when trying to make a point or demand action with a venomous forked tongue. Ugh! I am so glad I decided to stop nagging. Of course it was pretty easy to do. Why? Because Huck is without a doubt the best boyfriend ever. I'm not kidding. He gives me no reason to nag. It helps when your man isn't like any others. 

  

One little monkey...

I had the pleasure of enjoying a midday adventure to the University of Miami Medical Center for a nerve conduction study. While visiting with my Rheumatologist a couple weeks ago I mentioned I had some tingling and numbness in my hands. She recommended I go to neurology to get this study done to make sure everything is ok with with my nerves. Well, ok. Fibromyalgia is a nerve problem so I can see why she would suggest the trip. I decided midday would be the best time to drive down since early morning and late afternoon would have brought the Puerto Rican out in me with a whole lot of cussing. Though I am generally patient behind the wheel I do tend to yell at other drivers that don't know the pedal on the right makes a car go. C'mon! We all know I like to drive fast!

With the Ebola scare running rampant in the media, it seems most medical centers are asking patients upon registration if they've traveled to Africa in the past 21 days. I knew this question was coming so when the kid asked me if I'd traveled overseas or to Africa I said, "Yeah. About 10 days ago." OMG the look on his face. He froze. It seemed he didn't know what he should do next and it was only for a second or two then I couldn't help but start giggling. Then he started to laugh and says, " I was hoping your were joking because we'd have to sound the alarms and get a hazmat suit for you." To which I reply, " What? The alarms are Congo drums? And as long as the suit isn't prison orange we're good." 

I was flipping anxious. I was nervous. I was on the verge of darting out of the building because the wait time was nearing one hour. When the clock ticked past one hour I finally went to the desk and asked if I needed to reschedule my appointment to never. I was assured the doctor would be with me soon and the study wouldn't take too long. Ok, fine. Dammit. I went back to my seat. Then a few minutes later a little Asian girl calls my name from the entrance doors. Sheesh these doctors are as old as Doogie Howser was when he started med school. After following her down some long hallways we end up in the exam room. 

When I walked in the doctor was perched in front this towering computerized torture device. There was a monitor laced with buttons, dials, and switches with a rather thick electrical cord running towards the wall. I looked at the machine, at the smiling doctor, and back to the machine. If the look on my face didn't tip him off I was a little freaked out then the rather pathetic whimper did. I did one quick Google search on what to expect from this study. I found out a couple of electrodes would be placed on my skin at various points and electrical currents would be sent to my nerves to test for function and damage. It didn't sound too bad but I was still nervous about the pain factor. There was some mention of needles and that freaked me out but I was told to not do anymore research. I did read a bit further and found that was a different kind of test. So I relaxed a bit and forgot about it.

I was asked to lay down on the table. While chattering away like a friggin' monkey in a tree, the doctor prepped my arm from the elbow down with alcohol. The student doctor and the doctor both are in stitches laughing because I guess I'm a stand-up act at the Improv. They both exclaim that I have brightened their day with laughter and asked if I'd come back to see them again. I told them it depended on what painful torment they had in store for me but sure.Then he fastened stuff here and there and looped some wires around my fingers. I can't see what he's doing because I am lying down. The doctor kept asking me random questions and assured me there wouldn't be any pain just sensations. I have to admit I may have a high threshold for pain but it doesn't mean . There wasn't any pain. There wasn't much sensation either. I could tell the electrical current was increased at regular intervals but no, it didn't hurt. Just felt weird as hell. Then he said, "Ok, now I have to use the needles." I whipped my head towards him and said, "You're shittin' me right?" He threw his head back laughing and it took him a minute to continue getting his needles ready. The whole time I am staring at him like wtf?  The needles in my muscles test was quite a but more uncomfortable, didn't hurt, but I could feel my hand clenching up and spasm. When he was finished he said he was going to do my other arm. Uh, no. I politely declined that one. 

All said and done I have a mild case of carpel tunnel. What the freak is that all about? Well, at least I know why my fingers go numb sometimes but it still doesn't explain why my joints hurt and why I feel like I have the flu aches. The numbness isn't even all that bad. Makes me feel like it was a wasted trip. It would be nice if I could get through a day with out some kind of pain. In time I guess. Can't stop life because my joints hurt. 

Dog shaming...a long winded story.

My dog lost her mind last night. No, seriously. I think she left it in the grass with her evening constitutional. It started about 2am. I take that back. It started with a maple frosted cupcake around nine. After spending a fun evening with friends, Huck and I were sent home with some fabulously moist cupcakes with maple butter-cream frosting. I did not have the opportunity to have one earlier so when we arrived home I brought two up to the TV room for a treat after I took the girls out for their evening walk. One for me, one for Huck. I left them on the coffee table and went to change my clothes and ready for a quiet evening on the couch.

When I walked back into the den I see Sunshine chowing down on something. She's standing with her back end towards me and her tail tucked trying to hurriedly woof down whatever it was she got. The tucked tail gave her away - it told me she was chewing on something she shouldn't be chewing on. I ask, "What you chewing on, Sunshine?" Like she understood the question she makes this grand gesture of quickly swallowing any evidence of what she had gotten in to and slowly turns her head toward my voice. I immediately look to the table to see, low and behold, a missing cupcake. Oh, for Pete's sake! 

She does this too.

Around 2am the shenanigans began. It started with her jumping into bed. Normally this isn't an issue because she settles right away and doesn't bother anyone save slowly pushing her way deeper into the bed. No, this time she jumped into the bed and stood over me panting in my face. I thought nothing of it and pushed her back to the floor. There is no thunder storm. No lightning, No rain. Dejected, she went into the corners of each room and started digging - scrubbing her nails like she's trying to make a bed. After that didn't satisfy her she tried the bed again. This time I allowed her to lay down next to me near my head but she just kept panting in my face. Hot dog breath in my face is not the best sleeping  environment. So I pushed her on to the floor again for her to go from one bathroom to the next and back again trying to hide behind the toilet. I know this because I heard the garbage cans move around. Now she comes back again but only jumps half way up to paw at me. And pant in my face. Crap! It then dawns on me after fighting her off for 45 minutes...the cupcake might be upsetting her. Out of bed I go to take her and Annie out. Yeah, Annie is the angel this time. She only roused from sleep because I got out of bed. She was happy for the late night adventure and even more happy to settle back down to sleep after.

After our quick middle of the night walk we are back upstairs and I am back in bed. But the shenanigans ensued. Up on the bed panting over my head. Shove her down. Back up. Moving garbage cans in the bathrooms. Pawing at me from the floor. I get up and go lay on the couch. She climbs up with me but stays down by my feet. She finally settles down and I fall asleep for a while. She seemed settled but was woken up to her panting again. She was fine when I took her out earlier and no evidence of a tummy upset so another late night walk was not necessary. Maybe it was the large amount of sugar just messing with her. I dunno. She settled again. I fell asleep for a bit, woke up again, and went back to bed with her tucked in under my Dolphin's squishy blanket. That of course didn't last long. It is now 4:30am. I am frustrated. I am getting angry. All I want is to sleep! So I go back out to the couch with her and she's settled in again and my back is screaming. And my body hurts. But if this is the only way to calm the dog so I can sleep I'll take it! Then I heard it. 

If smoke detectors are plugged into an electric source, why the FUCK do we have to put batteries into them? The dog lost her mind over the repetitive chirp of a dying battery in a smoke detector downstairs. I was instantly pissed when I realized what the hec was going on. OMG!!! down the stairs I go, drag the freakin' dining room chair over, climb up, and rip the effing thing right off the ceiling - wires and everything, I couldn't get the fucking battery out of it fast enough! How did I not hear this for the several hours before? My goodness it could have saved me a lot of aggravation. Amazingly my old girl Annie was curled up in a ball sound asleep the whole time. Hard of hearing to deaf. Whatever stage she is at good for her. She missed the drama. 

I was finally able to go to sleep at 5:30 this morning. 

My sweet puppy Sunshine's very rude behavior last night served as a not so pleasant reminder of life as a young mother with a new born baby. There were many sleepless nights much like last night.  Dealing with Sunshine was like dealing with a cranky sleepless baby, my Punk. I don't think I slept the first six months of his life. Really. Today has been rather busy. Busier than I expected so there was no opportunity for a nap. Now here I am, it's getting late, and I'm blogging about a sleepless night like y'all care. I think I'll go to bed now. Well, by midnight. LOL!

Yes, I am a slight bit ornery.

New Year’s Eve was quiet. New Year’s Day was just as quiet. We spent the afternoon with friends eating chili and watching the games. I made a corn bread that turned out pretty bland, but this was on purpose. My Huck immediately knew it wasn't my normal but that was because I was advised the clan isn't big on big flavors. So I toned down my normal flair for adding spices and whatnot to create the semi-home made love on a plate I'm known to make (I also used a box mix that is not my normal brand). Well, the lady of the house ate it and from what I understand that’s almost a miracle. Snaps for me! The man of the house was a little riled up though, thankfully not about my bland corn bread. There was talk about an annual Christmas letter sent out by Huck's parents and how I was mentioned at least five times or so and not even one peep about him. He was puzzled why he wasn't mentioned considering how much he loves them, possibly even more than their own son ;) I was promised I would be able to read the annual recap but still haven’t seen this letter. I figured if they said anything bad I wouldn't have heard about it second hand. But yes, that’s your sweet Baby Girl, dropping a casual hint. 

Our friends had sent us home with a ton of fried chicken. I decided to make potato salad to go with it for dinner the next day so I asked Huck if he wanted old fashioned or German style. He wanted to test my abilities and decided German style was the best way to do so. Challenge accepted! Well, I searched the Inter-webs high and low for a suitable variation of what to me is an authentic German style potato salad. What I did not realize is the traditional recipes do not call for mayonnaise or sour cream and that truly surprised me. I figured I had been wrong in my thinking all these years and decided to follow one of the traditional recipes found on the Inter-webs. I will say I am so proud of how good it tasted! And then I served it. Huck looked at it like a confused puppy. You know, with his head tilted to the right? He was instantly skeptical. I think he almost didn't try it. He kept eyeballing it like it was going to leap out of the serving dish. Why? It looked nothing like his mother’s traditional German style potato salad with mayo and tomatoes (which he grew up eating) made from a recipe given by a German cook while in Germany. Go figure.

With potatoes remaining and taking up space in the pantry I decided it was a great idea to make potato soup. A friend from work was telling me how good her recipe was so I asked her to share and she did obligingly. I stopped at the grocer on the way home to pick up a few missing items. When I got home I took care of the fur-babies, Annie and Sunshine. After they had their evening constitutional I got to work on the soup. As everything starts to come together I realize, wow! This is darn good soup! I text Huck to tell him I might be getting arrested. He text me back immediately asking what on earth was going on. I responded, “My potato soup is so good it’s criminal!” He didn't find the humor in that. I think I actually gave him a mini heart attack. I can't cry wolf ever again that's for sure. I'll of course never reach his level of ornery. Huck is still, and will remain, the King and Master of Ornery - I'll never reach his level because I'm him but nicer. I will admit here the whole "getting arrested" idea is slightly borrowed but totally spun out to fit right in to my level of ornery. It brings me back to the times I used to tell the Lady stories about my after school adventures with Hawaii and Re-run. A few times I think she actually believed me!

Vietnamese bánh gio or Echto-slime

Huck and I will be spending a low key Martin Luther King Day together. We have a day trip planned to Northern Cuba to get some personal business out of the way. When I lived down that way years ago my daddy and I found a little street side market that sells exotic local fruit and vegetables. I’ll be taking Huck there to check it out. They make juices, smoothies, and shakes so I am anxious to try one since I never did while I lived down there. I’m bent on getting Huck to try something new though his trust threshold with my suggestions is low at this point (the Vietnamese echto-slime and Into the Woods come to mind) but this adventure will hopefully provide me with some story material to share with y'all in the future.

Are you, like, a mental person?

I didn't sleep well last night. I avoided the late night sweet, didn't eat dinner too late, and even took a melatonin. I forced myself to go to bed every night with the goal to be head-on-pillow by midnight. I made it to pillow time by 12:15am. Not bad. I fell asleep pretty quickly after I said my ritual good night prayers and love you's. I don't know how long I was asleep but while in a deep dream sleep, I was rudely woken up. It wasn't a strange or loud noise that woke me up. I wasn't hot. No trains passing by. No planes flying over. The low hum of the fan continued it's soothing pass left and right. What woke me up then? I woke up because I felt like I was being watched. 

And who was watching me? My chicken-ass, panicked, anxious drooling, 70 pound puppy dog was standing over me looking right into my face while panting in panic. You see, it was raining last night. Rain is occasionally accompanied by thunder. And lightning. When you merge the sound of rain, the boom of thunder, and bright flashes of light through dilapidated blinds what do you think happens? You get one very anxious dog that can't decide if she wants to be comforted or flee for her life. When I say flee for her life I mean she just hides behind the bathroom door until the noise stops. So I spent the night with my dog working herself into a lather over a little thunderstorm. She panted constantly, yes, in my face and couldn't get comfortable since I was laying in her spot. The middle of the bed. When she finally settled down she was tail towards me and since she stop acting squirrelly I could finally fall back to sleep. But then...Yeah, in Sunshine's overwhelming fear of thunderstorms, she passed the most noxious anxiety induced gas right at my face. For the love of God!

The damp weather we've had the past few days has been a bitch. I have my follow up appointment with the Rheumatologist tomorrow. We will be discussing the results of my blood work and I guess talk about what's next. I'm a little freaked out. I know Fibromyalgia isn't too big a deal and since it isn't a progressive disease I don't have to worry about getting worse over time. If that is indeed what I have then my concern becomes how to mange the pain on my bad days. I don't believe I have rheumatoid anymore. The doc did bring up Lupus. Some things point to that but some things don't at all. It's just so frustrating that I hurt when I shouldn't hurt. All over, like I have the flu. When it's damp and cold it's worse. I've also decided the medications used to treat Fibromyalgia come with may too many side effects I'd rather not experience. I'm good with Aleeve when I'm having a bad day. How strange is it that I could have this pain for so long and all of sudden it becomes amplified because it now may have a name? Isn't that a psychological response of some sort? Ok, ok. I guess this means I'm mental. Some of you are nodding your head in agreement, aren't you? Stahp!

Into the Woods...NO! Let me out! Please! Please, just stop singing!

I've always been a fan of Grimm's fairy tales since my father read them to me as a little girl. The mashing of the four more well known stories brought to life in this way (yes, I understand it was a Broadway musical first of which I never saw) was quite interesting and took forever to get to the end. Just when you thought it was a good time to wrap things up they started singing again! I'm telling you, it felt like I was sitting in the movie theater recliner for much longer than just two hours! A few actors all did well portraying their version of the characters which is the most positive thing I have to say about this film.

Anna Kendrick was fantastic but then I am a Pitch Perfect fan. Same goes fer Meryl Streep - is there anything she can't do? I still feel my most favorite role of her's is in Sophie's Choice. Chris Pine - I did not know he was a comedic vocalist. Whether he was supposed to be or not, I couldn't help but chuckle, rather laugh out loud, during his princely duet. Then it got weird. Johnny Depp as the Big Bad Wolf...let's just say he came off more as a creepy pedophile than a wild animal stalking his prey. So, all that aside, syncopated speech is not for everyone. Lulu warned me. Though I do not have an aversion to syncopated speech - have performed that way myself in high school drama classes, I am afraid I am no longer allowed to make movie date suggestions. My Huck has put me on movie picking suspension - I fear it may be permanent after this disaster.

For a slow and boring day, time sure has passed pretty quickly. I had good intentions for productivity today. Instead I found yet another game on Facebook to play. I did manage to get a few things scratched off my to-do list. Took the garbage out, made the bed, emptied the dishwasher, and got the ornament boxes out of the garage. My goal today was to take the Christmas tree down. Yeah, not happening. At least I got the boxes for the ornaments out of the garage-that's a good start. Now I'm ready to finish my day with a whole lot of nothing.